"moving"

For anyone who follows this.... which I doubt are many - I will be off to London for a year.

It would be redundant and kind of useless to post about London on my New York blog. SO I encourage you to look at my OTHER blog (because how self indulgent can one get?) about studying and exploring London:

http://laurenaliyainlondon.blogspot.com/

The Last Supper

Alas, it is the night before I jet-set across the Atlantic to the land of scones, queens, and really posh accents. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I going to miss people? A lot. But this is a very good thing for me and it is a new adventure. I find that the day before any major event evokes feelings of anxiety - whether or not they feel justified. I begin to over analyze every minute detail and meaning of each emotion and wonder if my feelings are excessive. I've accepted that these feelings are normal, even if they really AREN'T that big of a deal and even though I KNOW that once I'm across the pond everything will seem... well... exciting. Right now it's the anticipation. The anticipation for WEEKS.

This extended trip (for a year) is a lesson in many things. The first, I believe, is an ultimate LIFE lesson: sometimes things are out of our control and all we have to do is wait and see what happens.

Let me explain.

Getting a visa to enter/study/work in a foreign country is a lengthy and ultimately volatile process. Once your documents are submitted you hope that you have given enough information and that the horror stories you hear from your peers (like getting rejected for a visa and missing the beginning of your program) will not apply to you.

A week before I was set to leave I had NO IDEA when or IF I was getting my visa. There was no one who could tell me. So - I had to wait. And once I DID get the visa - it was sent to the wrong address! Once again - things are out of my control.

Maybe that should be my optimistic mantra for the year:

Things are out of my control and I just have to live in the moment.

It's much easier said than done.

How's that for a pre-departure blog posting to assuage the pre-departure histrionics?

My Justification

I have pondered for a while about starting a blog to allow people to "keep up" with my adventure "across the pond" for a year. A YEAR. I figured... I leave in a month so the lead up to my departure might be just as interesting as what happens once I relocate to London town.

I am going to miss family and friends while I'm away... so hopefully this blog will not only allow people to follow me but also for me to follow them.

So get ready for either a) frantic updating b) a desolate blog c) or something in between.

A student in London - what a NOVEL idea. Just because it's been done before doesn't mean it shouldn't be done! Everyone has their story.

YES WE CAN.

This posting is to document a moment in history. Although it is November 5, 2008 and not the actual day of the election, November 4, 2008, yesterday something amazing happened.

Barack Obama became the 44th President Elect of the United States of America.

He is the first Black man to be elected. That is quite an accomplishment considering this nation's history. But more importantly, he inspires Americans and the rest of the world that anything is possible.

Obama won. The Democrats won both the House and Senate. This signifies the American people's desire for change. In his speech last night he recognized that he may not be able to change the problems with this country in one year or even a term, but he has set the wheel going and more importantly, inspired a world.

This election mobilized Americans that didn't used to vote. Now, people across the nation know that their vote does count.

Obama's win was a triumph for many Americans. But I am more moved and inspired to see how his win was a triumph and joy for the rest of the world.

Positivity. That's it. I love it.

Stella Adler in New York Times

Stella Adler article in the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/09/theater/09adler.html

Discipline.

An actor needs it. Don't doubt it, don't make excuses. It's needed. And I'm starting to appreciate the discipline I've learned from my teachers before me and from the shows I've done previously.

And also, it's time for me to take some more risks. It's also time for me to refocus my thinking and not focus on the bad energy instead of the good. I just don't really trust myself and want someone else's approval when all I need is my own.

Trust.

Discipline.

I cannot emphasize discipline enough. I may be exhausted from going to two schools. But that's discipline. That's what an actor does.

Hello, again.

So it's almost been a month since I've updated my blog. In all honesty, I have no idea if anyone actually reads this but I like to think that some people do. Otherwise I just dream that someday my work will be significant enough that people will want to read what I have to say. That's vanity, I'm not going to lie. But hey, I enjoy reading other more prominent actors' blogs, it's fascinating and gives an insight into their process. I'm hoping I'm doing that as well... if it even makes any sense.

Let's just say that time flies. I have about six weeks left of this semester at Barnard and Columbia. In some ways I love it because I am moving quickly and learning. But other times I wonder if I am like Emily from Our Town and don't realize what happens every minute around me, that I don't really appreciate everything. But maybe we cannot sit and appreciate everything every minute because we don't have the insight yet and it would drive us crazy.

It's also quite amazing to think about all of the changes that have happened for me. I think about my future constantly and I constantly want stability but it always changes. One minute I think I'm going to take a year off and go to England for a year and the next I'm planning to graduate a year early and attempt to go into the acting world. I've learned that I really need to trust myself. There is such a security in going to school for me. Going to school in my mind guarantees my improvement as an actor. Truthfully there are times when I need to just trust that what I know now will save me. I have to be willing to just push myself and get out there.

Why am I talking about this now? I know I have a long time to think about my future, but Stella Adler ends in a year. I am hoping to be prepared to start to work. But I don't believe that I will be prepared and even though I think, "Oh I'll do some work here and there for a year," I think that going abroad for another few years will not only make me a better actor but will fulfill some superficial void. Honestly, whether or not this is true is indeterminable. I may learn just as much or more from trying to work after these few years. I need to trust myself and trust that in the unknown I may find a known... or at least I have to come to peace with the unknown.

You see, in my mind I believe I can do this because I have the confidence and the drive, but in my heart I am insecure and have to just trust myself and ultimately believe that I can do what I have been training my entire life to do - act.

It's pretty ironic... I want stability in a field that has none and all. And yet, I love that instability and that adventure but I just don't have the chutzpah to go out there and just try it and perhaps fail.