Friends

While I procrastinate from my MOUNDS of reading I have to do for this week, I thought I would share something that moved me this past weekend and made me think: friends.

Friends, we all have them in some capacity or another, and each friend means something different.  As my dad says, 'we can have different friends for different reasons' (a friend who you always like to go to the movies with, or out to drinks, or to just TALK, or those catch-all friends).  But sometimes, especially as I am back in New York at Barnard from a year away, I'm truly moved by how friendships are able to subsist over time and how just a four minute or forty minute conversation can truly make think how happy I am to have met these people.

And then it got me thinking - the friends we make, like life, are very much due to chance.  What would have happened if I hadn't started talking to my Stagedoor roommate?  Or if I hadn't decided to go on a walk with that one girl down the hall freshman year to the movies?  Or if I hadn't turned around and talked to the group of teenagers behind me in rehearsal? Or if circumstances were different: What would have happened if I hadn't auditioned for that musical at UCL? Or if I hadn't gone to Hathaway Brown and began divulging my love for Lord of the Rings?

But it's not just chance, it's about effort - making that bold move to say - let's go see that movie, or why don't we hang out?  And it's scary.  But I look back at the friends I have now and think: Thank GOD that this is how things worked out.

Yesterday night, I Skyped with two of my closest friends who, coincidentally, I met in London.  Speaking to them on Skype was like a part of me was awakened - a part of me that I've missed.  The laughter, the quick witted remarks, and the reminder that there was a time last year where most of my time was spent with these two people and that they became my family.  I think of these two people with such fondness and love - because I feel like they represent a friendship unlike any that I have had.  Maybe it's just that we all 'got' each other, or that they became my support group when I was in a country alone, but after talking to them yesterday I wanted to jump on a plane again just to be with them.  But also knew, that while I missed the times we had and the ability to see them everyday, that this was a friendship that would last for a VERY long time.

It's a wonderful thing when friendships become family.  When that happens all I can say is that I am truly truly blessed.

Think about your friends... they truly are remarkable.

An Eye Opening Experience

I say that a lot: 'eye opening'.  Going to London was 'eye opening', so was Into the Woods, and so was my time at UCL.

But now I'm talking about a different type of 'eye opening': something that truly makes me evaluate the fortune I've had in my short life.


I am spending the summer volunteering with an organization called Artists Striving to End Poverty (ASTEP).  I have wanted to get involved with this organization for a while as it looks to use the arts, mostly performing arts, to help build confidence and self expression in impoverished youth around the world.  They have programs in South Africa, India, Florida, and New York working with orphans and refugees.  This summer, I am fortunate enough to be volunteering as a Musical Theatre teacher teaching new refugees in a Summer Academy program run by the International Rescue Committee.  I teach along with one to two co-teachers in a middle school class and two high school classes.  Some of these students have been in the US for a week to months to a few years.  I don't know their background, but I can't imagine what they've been through - some of them being thrown into a school program after being in this country for A WEEK knowing not a sentence in English.

I have always been drawn to teaching (I've taught little ones and tutored Middle School), but this experience has been a whole different ball game.  Commanding twenty to thirty students in a sweltering, unairconditioned, high school in Bushwick is grueling enough.  But add on the varying English language comprehension of each student, little knowledge of each students' background, and ultimately the task of getting these middle school and high school students to open up.

On the first day of class I realized how my 'training' from Stella Adler and years of theatre experiences (making a fool of myself, immediately working with others, and maintaining an open and receptive body) prepared me for this type of environment.  Playing theatre games and teaching them a song in English for many was difficult.  It took a while before they felt remotely comfortable in using their bodies.

These students have grown so much in just six weeks - from barely focusing and working with their peers to having more open and confident bodies, maintaining eye contact and focus with a large group, working together, and keeping a beat (much harder than one would think).

I was reminded of what an Adler teacher said about voice work: the skills we learn in here do not just help us as actors but in whatever we do - maintaining an open body, looking people in the eye, and engaging others.  I would like to think that these kids learned a bit of that.

But more than that - these kids inspire me.  I have been given so many opportunities - the opportunity to volunteer for a summer - and seeing these kids who have been uprooted from their homes, some of whom have probably seen atrocities and suffered trauma I can't even imagine, I realize how minuscule my problems truly are.  Plus, these students come in with more optimism and drive than I will ever have.  Their optimism for the future is boundless because all they see is what is ahead of them and not behind.

We were doing a reflection exercise and I said that the students could write in their own language if English was too hard.  A student from Guinea said, 'I know French, I don't need French, I am here, I need English so I write in English!'.  He had been here for a few weeks and he was determined to only write in English - even if it was a few sentences.  And when he handed me that piece of paper he was proud.  That type of pride I can only watch from afar but never really know - wanting to absolutely forget where I came from and propel forward so fast, faster than my own abilities can take me.

These students want to become doctors, lawyers, have families, change their countries.  They have taught me more than I have taught them.  I am humbled by their determination and their optimism and by their warmth.

New York is a fascinating place - the unbelievably wealthy and the unbelievably poor, the elite and the refugee.  With my private school education, Seven Sisters education, a year to study abroad, and never having to truly worry about money, I am very close to the bourgeois world of weekly manicures, designer bags, and weekly gossip over drinks in Soho.  And while there is a part of me that wants that, I am so thankful for these students for showing me what's really going on in the world and real issues where people need to find REFUGE in a different country.  I am exhausted, but these students inspire me to teach more students in need and put my priorities in check.  They're fearlessness to conquer the world touches me to the core.  There have been moments in class where their warmth and drive has almost brought me to tears.  Teaching music/theatre to these kids reminds me of the selfishness of acting - getting the job, the agent, being seen... so much that I can forget what all of this selfishness is truly about...

This experience reminds me of what theatre truly is: sharing, connecting, and expressing.

Now What?

So I have returned to the homeland.  US of A.  It's been a whirlwind coming back.  I feel like when returning 'home', no matter how long the individual has been away, there is always a sense of never having left.  This time, it's both wonderful and saddening.  I've been thrust back into my life here in New York (an internship with a wonderful Theatre organization that uses theatre to help children in need, family, love, friends) and it is wonderful.  But I can't help to feel that maybe, just maybe, that amazing year in London didn't happen.  It's astonishing how quickly relationships seem to falter and as I both miss London and the friends I've made, the Briticisms, the culture, I am both oh-so-glad to be back in New York.

More to come on the feelings of transition...

Things I will miss in England... a list.

(Not necessarily in this order)

1.  Cadbury chocolate (real Cadbury...)
2.  Twinings tea (real Twinings...)
3.  Regular English Tea with Milk
4.  Pubs
5.  True alcoholic Bulmers, Magners, Kopparberg Cider
6.  Terms:
  
    Quid (slang for £)
    Full stop
    Chuffed
    Chundered
    Cheers
    Fancy
    Jumpers
    Cross
    Kicking off
    Fit
    Fanny/fanny about
    Wanker
    Faff/faff about
    Pissed (drunk)
    Popping by
    You okay?
    You alright?           
    Can't be bothered
    Sorted/Sort out             
    Keen             
    Press on             
    Straight on       
    Knob
    Knackered
    Cringe
    Mental
    Cheeky            
    Fortnight             
    Knickers             
    Trousers             
    Crisps       
    Smart (not just intelligent but well put together, well dressed)       
    Posh       
    Clever
    Slag
    Bless
    Fag (cigarette)
    Rough

(to be added too... sometimes they don't just come to mind)

7. RIBENA.  I have only found some cheap-o horrible version of Ribena in New York once... not like the true Ribena in the UK.  Blackcurrant goodness!
8.  Pret a Manger.  This also exists in New York now but it's not the same.
9.  DIGESTIVES.  They are essentially biscuits (cookies in American terms) that cannot be found in the US
10. Quavers (type of potato crisp/chip)
11. Fish and Chips
12. Balls... there are so many balls here and opportunities to dress up.
13. Night buses.  The tube stops at a certain hour but night buses are saviours!  And... they don't just exist in Harry Potter
14. The history.  Everything here is historical and as an outsider, that sense of history permeates into the culture: pubs, balls, education, etc.  I will miss that sense of antiquity.
15. The National Theatre.  The National produces daring, solid, new works that look at society from the past to the present day.  An institution like it does not exist in the States and I will miss it terribly.  I wish there was such a dedication towards the theatre like that in the States.
16. UCL. They let me live my fantasy of studying in England and gave me quite a year of learning.  I'm very thankful for what I've learned.
17. The Musical Theatre Society.  They gave me a social life, an opportunity to have fun acting and to learn about myself.  And despite the drama, I made good friends.
18. Cellar Door.  So many good memories.
19. London style of clothing: classic, jumpers, brogues, very vintage-almost 1940s, sort of taking history into the present like the city and country.
20. Speaking of clothing these stores: Next, Topshop, Warehouse, Selfridges, John Lewis, Joy
21. And shoes:  Office, Schuh, Clarks (it's different than in the States!), Dune
22. Camden.  I know... odd.  But I like Camden Lock and the wonderful shops/atmosphere of next to the river.
23. THE SOUTH BANK.  So beautiful.  It's where the National Theatre is and just looks over to Parliament - it encompasses what IS London.
24. The accents.  There are so many accents in England (not even counting the whole of the UK) and I've learned to understand the region and 'class' assigned to it
25. Britain's obsession with class (this is not necessarily a good thing but something I find fascinating that is so unique, so unapologetic, and almost politically incorrect from an American point of view)
26. The British Library
27. Cambridge.  History and friends (Katie and Josh) - I always feel like I'm in Harry Potter when I go there.
28. Parks in London.  There's so much green space and it's so charming and livable and typically... English.
29. Trains - trains get you everywhere... thank you RAILCARD!
30. Marks and Spencer.  Not just because of Percy Pigs or their food...
31. PAPERCHASE.  I never began to love stationary until I found this store.
32. Sainsburys.  Good 'ole Sainsburys - main supermarket in the UK
33. Waitrose.  High-end supermarket for when I feel POSH.
34. Boots.  Boots has everything (drugstore)
35. NHS (National Health Service).  America needs it.  Full stop.
36. British humour - dry, sarcastic, and mockingly.
37. Friends (a number on a list doesn't give them justice AT ALL).
38. FOYLES.  The best bookstore in England.  Its main store is on Charing Cross Road and it is massive and so much better than a Barnes and Noble or Waterstones.  It has EVERYTHING and it's not corporate.  But SMART (both in intellect and in style).
39.  COVENT GARDEN.  Not the market part but Seven Dials, the streets around it - it's so quaint full of small shops and I just feel transported back in time to the quintessential charming London world.
40.  Dove Spray Deodorant.  They don't have spray deodorant in the States and I LOVE spray deodorant... odd I know.  It just makes life easier.  I will miss it... may need to import it!

More to add later...

It's odd.  After being here for almost a year there are certain aspects of British/London life that don't seem so novel that would of made me so obsessed a year ago because of its 'British-ness':

-Pubs and the characters within them are so British (and Irish) and the atmosphere is so warm and full of tradition.  Now it feels second nature, a place to meet people.  
-The accent - I know it's lame but the accent doesn't faze me like it did before, now I begin to (dare I say it) judge or assess people on their accent (Brits and Americans included).
-Tea too... I used to think it was SO cute and British - now I love it.
-The TUBE - who knew?  I know it and love it and it's orderliness (they have bars so people walk in one direction... and signs to direct pedestrian traffic).
-Driving on the other side of the road has become second nature.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have a similar near death experience of being run over in America like I have here...
-The history... it still fascinates me when I read books and see where they happened, but the fact that I'm surrounded by it and that it is so embedded in the culture doesn't shock me like it used too.  I know I will miss it when I get back to American and something (gasp!) 100 years old is 'old'.

The irony:  the more I articulate these 'things' the more I single them out AS particularly novel and unique to what I'm 'used to'.  Essentially, they may seem 'normal now' but truly they are and always will be somewhat 'differently fascinating.'

As I approach my departure... more to come, I assure you.

THE MORE TO COME:

One of the many amazing things about going abroad is learning about yourself but also really learning and understanding your country (America) and the country you're living in (Britain).  I found that while I still don't always know when is the PC way to use England or Britain (it's quite complicated!), I feel I have gotten somewhat of a grasp on what is typically 'British' (or 'English' - I told you I didn't know!).  And it's comforting knowing that it's both a combination of my own stereotypical movie vision of England but also of a more modern place full of complexities and issues that any country has.  Whether it's the humour, the cultural bias, the pop culture obsessions, one acquires this knowledge by comparing it to what one knows (America) and by seeing the differences in how different countries present their news, conduct their elections, interact with each other and different classes, ethnicities, immigrants, and even how they wash their dishes and don't always use clothing dryers, one begins to have perspective on both where they came from and from where they are.  But that's only possible by being in two different places and living life in those respective places.  And as I approach my departure back to America, I find that comparison and the fact that I feel so invested in both America and England truly powerful.

Embrace the Transition

Embrace the Transition.

Transitions are that liminal space where we are neither in one place or the other.  It's like if someone takes a photograph of you running - that picture represents the transition: in the process of leaving somewhere and going to something.

I have had many transitions in my (short) life.  But this transition, moving from London back to New York, is perhaps my most conflicted.  I am also perhaps most aware of this transition because it is so physical.  I am literally leaving one country for another.

But why this transition?  Surely I did it before...

Yes, I have done it before.  But this transition is so full of conflicted feelings.  Why?  What I am leaving (London) has been the culmination of a year in which I both lived a 'dream' and allowed myself to 'live' (socially, academically, theatrically) in the moment and achieve a contentment I had been yearning for YEARS (dare I say, my adolescence?).  But what I am going back to is family, friends, love, and a city that is so full of dreams and drive that propel me forward.  New York inspires me unlike any other city I've been too.

It's like that Alicia Keys song: Empire State of Mind (and Billy Joel's 'New York State of Mind' but Alicia Keys' version embodies the inspiration of New York that I feel.  It reminds me of why I love New York so much).

So with these conflicting feelings (and they go much deeper than described above), I am attempting to embrace the transition.  It's hard leaving a place that I've identified with and grown from - especially the friendships.  Like many, I feel a bit lost, in a liminal place, and not really sure of my footing.  Even writing this blog feels a bit... unsure.  There's a part of me that feels like I am returning to what I know but refreshed while I also know that certain things I've gained here in London will stick and some will fall away. 

I am nervous about going back, sad to leave, but I also feel that it is time.  I wouldn't trade what I've gotten here in London and I will miss the friends I've made and the experience I've gained.  But life moves on, it is moving along with everyone.  And New York is the next step.

It's just that the transition is the place of the unknown.  The unknowable.  And it's frightening but also so full of suspense.  And by suspense, I mean the oppositional emotions of excitement and fear.

I'm going to miss this place.  But I don't know how I will truly feel until I leave.

That's what the transition is... truly being in the moment and just getting grips and going along for the ride.  Sometimes being in the moment is exhilarating and sometimes it's like now: so complicated and confusing that there is a loss of a sense of self.  Because the Self, the person, is transitioning not just physically, but emotionally as well.  Ironically, it's also in this moment, the uncertain, to just trust the Self that it will figure things out because despite the feeling of uncertainty, the Self knows what it is, it's just transitioning and shifting right now.

As the Brits say:  Sort it out.

As Dot says to George in Sondheim's Sunday in the Park with George (my favorite Sondheim musical) in the song 'Move On':

Stop worrying where you're going, move on
If you can know where you're going, you've gone
Just keep moving on.

I chose, and my world was shaken--so what?
The choice may have been mistaken
but choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be.
Look at all the things you've done for me:
Opened up my eyes
Taught me how to see...

Sung by Bernadette Peters:
 

And by the 2008 Broadway Revival/Menier Chocolate Factory Production  (that I saw 3 times... obsessed much?):

Come to the Cabaret!

This year has been hugely healing, productive, and has helped me 'break out' of my shell socially, academically, and artistically.  My most recent endeavor with the UCL Musical Theatre Society is something completely new: producing.  It's very exciting, different, and educational to be on the other side of the table, so to speak.  Below I am including the poster for Cabaret.  If any of you who read this are in London please do come along and see this great show the 9-11 of June.

A Piece of History

Over the past month, Britain has undergone an election, a hung parliament, and a coalition between the Conservative and Liberal Democratic Parties.  Witnessing an election in a different country is absolutely fascinating.  I have to thank Ben Kelly for explaining the British Parliamentary system to me.  Even though leaders represent parties here, it is not the people who vote for their parties' leaders, it is the members (MP's = Member of Parliament) of the party that determine their leader.  So when election time comes, people vote for the specific party and their issues.  In my mind, this seems a bit more focused on issues at hand, versus an 'image' of a specific person.  In Britain, it's normally the Conservative or Labour party that have the majority in parliament (think Republicans and Democrats), but the difference is, with multiple parties, MPs don't necessarily stick to a clear 'Conservative' or 'Labour' point of view like in the US with the Democrats and Republicans.  While America has other parties, its essentially become a two-party system.  Whilst in Britain voting for a party represents your own local constituency and you have more say in Parliament based on your party, not an individual.  This makes more sense when remembering that Britain is made up of Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.  They have local parliaments that also have representation in London. 

It's very complicated and I won't go too much into it.  But VERY interesting, especially coming from America and seeing how America is very much about image.  For example, Gordon Brown was never pictured with his children and David Cameron's wife just revealed she was pregnant (she is about 5 months).  American politics are dominated by how the individual man can relate to the leader and that also means seeing their families and for better or for worse, focusing on their family image over politics at times.  It's like American Presidents are America's royalty in some way...

I'm talking about all of this because on Tuesday, I had the opportunity to (sort of) witness History.  David Cameron was decided by the coalition government between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats to be the Prime Minister.  It is a tradition since Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy, that once Prime Minister is decided he/she must go to the Queen (or King) and 'ask' for her approval.  (Now, really it's the Queen who starts the conversation not the Prime Minister.  This can be witnessed in the movie The Queen).

I received a call from Ben saying that he and our friend Izzy were going to Buckingham Palace to essentially 'see' David Cameron go into the Palace and then go to move into 10 Downing Street.  Now, inauguration day in America is huge.  Here, because things happen so quickly (or in this case, Britain didn't have a government for five days), it's not as big of a deal.  I ended up getting the tube to Green Park soon to find out they were at Downing Street.

I felt like I was in some stereotypical British movie where the American is running through parks, next to Buckingham Palace, to meet someone urgently.

Alas, I have shin splints and my feet hurt terribly days later.

I made it to Downing Street, and while nothing really happened it was very amusing to see:

1. The small crowd
2. The scuffle between a Labour supporter and very very passionate Tories (Tories are another word for Conservatives, but click the link to get a better definition).
3. Regardless of political leanings, a feeling of witnessing something a part of history... sort of.
4. The traditional jingling of kings to symbolise the Prime Minister's movement into 10 Downing Street

All in all, we didn't see much.  We ended up going to a Pub near by and seeing David Cameron's car drive by. 

I have to say, if I were to vote here (as I believe in the true civic duty to vote), I would not be supporting the Tories  at all.  But, I am glad I got to witness a bit of British history... however contested.

Old England and Exams.

I think it's a general assumption that Americans are obsessed with Europe because everything is old.  With England, it's all about Jane Austen, those historical films, Lord of the Rings, and of course Harry Potter.  In England, everything is full of history.  It's what makes Europe so novel for Americans.  Something 150 years old isn't old at all.  Walking around York on Roman walls... THAT'S old.

When the musical theatre society was on their way to Scarborough for the festival, I was looking out at the English countryside and exclaimed, 'That looks like Pemberley!' (As in Mr. Darcy's mansion in Pride and Prejudice).  My friend Dom's remark was, 'I always love when Americans come to England.  They realise that these places actually exist.'

Yes, in England, many things I only saw in movies or read in books, were actually real.  For example:

1. Harry Potter:  Students do wear robes and dine in large halls with long tables and benches.
2. Harry Potter:  'Head Boy' and 'House Leaders' also exist in schools.
3. Lord of the Rings:  People actually sit in 500+ year old pubs drinking pints (no hobbits, though).
4. Jane Austen:  Places like Pemberley actually exist.
5. People do tend to live in castles or old castle-like homes.
6. There are cities and towns that are hundreds of years old... and look like it.
7. Jane Eyre:  The Moors... are moor-like with rolling hills and Heathcliff-like ominousness 
8. People are obsessed with the queen.  And royalty in general.
9. Jane Austen:  People drink lots of tea.
10. There are lots of sheep...

NOW.  The most recent 'old' thing I encountered in England was... EXAMS.  I took my first exam today.  It was six hours long on Shakespeare.  I'm surprised I'm even able to type!  But what was it about this exam that was so... Harry Potter like?  Or just... BRITISH and precise?

When I walked into the exam room I got nervous just because it was an ENTIRE HALL (like in Harry Potter when they take their OWL exams).  There was a man with a desk, a microphone, and a massive clock facing the rest of the room (also like in Harry Potter).  The same old filling out sheets properly was standard, raising hands to go to the bathroom, etc.  We had our 'designated lunch break' and massive panic ensued and we went back into the massive, daunting hall.

But what was it that made me giggle inside after that six hour long saga?  Not only was the 'moderator' so precise that five minutes BEFORE the time was over we had to start organising everything, but what was it...

We had to tie our booklets together.  With a STRING.  A string, I say!  I just thought... surely a stapler would work, or a paperclip.  We are in the year 2010.  It was so entirely endearing.  And it made me think:

Yes.  Coming to England, I sometimes feel like I am living in a Harry Potter movie, or a Jane Austen film, or just... my own vision of England where everything is old and traditional.

I get to do this two more times.  And while I probably won't miss the stress of being in such a formal hall with such strict rules when I go back to America, there's a part of me, in a very nostalgic way, that will miss that sort of - intense, traditional, precision that is... England.

Even those bloody exams with their Harry Potter halls.  And string.

*Edit: When I took my Chaucer Exam there was a student writing with a pen and bottle of ink.  As in... feather and a bottle of ink.  Like what they would've written in DURING the Middle Ages.

Another rant about healthcare...

YES!  It's wonderful that the US is one step closer to universal health care, but it's not national health care.  And it's not like universal health care is making a lot of Americans happy (it's making this one extremely happy!)  In previous posts I have expressed my thoughts about national health care and how ludicrous it is that Americans have to pay for coverage...

So, another rant/experience (be prepared, this is another college liberal making her claim against the society she lives in--what else is new?):

Students here find it shocking when I say that one of my fears when I graduate from college is how I will get health care.  In fact, it is probably my biggest worry - bigger than making money.  I've had friends that choose to work at Starbucks while they try and work as actors because they offer health insurance to part-time employees.  After being here for many months, I've realised how ridiculous it is that health care costs money in the States.

You may remember when I had swine flu in September.  The doctor prescribed Tamiflu, a very expensive drug, and I was so surprised that when my friend returned from the pharmacy with it, it didn't cost a cent.  Neither did the 3 hours I spent in the doctor's office.  And neither did the follow up phone call.

I think it's a bit sad, that when my 'American' prescriptions have run out I go to the doctor here asking for refills and hoping that I can get a long supply of it so I don't need to pay for things when I get back (granted, I am a part of the National Health Care service since I'm here for a while, not everyone can do this).  I find it also humourous, that when I told the doctor about my asthma medication, he suggested that he try and lower the dose as I was doing fine... a reminder that America is very over medicated.  While it may have been a bit untactful, he did say that in the UK, they try to have their patients on the lowest dose versus the highest if they are okay.  This is not to say that America over prescribes - but I would say that American culture has a 'thing' for prescribing and a thing for medicating as remedies.  It helps in the UK, that drug companies aren't out trying to find doctors or hospitals to use their specific brand of medication.  With the NHS, every drug is brand name, but it's not about making money from the NHS for drug companies.  For insurance companies and drug companies in America, it's all about making money off of the ill.

I found it so telling that when I went to 'check out' from my appointment I instinctively reached for my wallet.  And was reminded that, no, my appointment did not cost a cent.  And I could come back any time to meet with the doctor.

I then went to the pharmacy and learned the hierarchy of prescriptions.  Certain prescriptions are free, but other than that, prescriptions are £7.00.  That's for everyone.  As my friend Dom said, it evens out the playing field so that if a drug is more or less, everyone still pays the same amount.  It may seem a bit 'unfair' that my £7.00 prescription may go to help another person whose prescription is more, but that's an aspect of the NHS, and dare I say it: socialism. 

Anyone in the UK will say that the NHS is not perfect.  But the fact that I don't need to fork up my dad's insurance card and cash to get a dose of asthma medication or a 15 minute visit with the doctor says a lot.  I also like the fact that the NHS was founded on and still is founded on truly helping everyone as a nation.  Insurance companies and drug companies in America aren't about helping the sick or the people, they're about making a profit.

It is not customary for the Brits to be very 'patriotic' as they are a reserved group of people.  But I think it says a lot that the NHS represents health care for everyone - the sense that everyone in this nation should be able to care for another.

I find it ironic, then, that a nation like America, so patriotic and willing to flaunt its values, is ultimately a nation that can't come together and realise that national health care is not about socialism, it's about being a patriotic person who just wishes to help their fellow American.

I may sound preachy, anti-American, but really, I love America.  I'm glad to go back soon.  But America is a very ironic and contradictory country.  A lot of the values 'preached' in society are not exactly the values practiced. 

More on that later...

Ireland...

In the course of my time in London, I have become wonderful friends with Ben Kelly.  He studies English as well and was in Into the Woods as Jack.  Over Easter Break he invited me to see Ireland and learn about his country.  He is from Derry, which is a part of Northern Ireland, a place that has for many years been full of violence and religious tension.  Things have calmed down, but they have a very bloody past.  Similar to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, each person has their own connection and their own story to tell.

I am not going to get into too much about the politics of Northern Ireland as it is upsetting and subjective.  I will say this: seeing Derry was such an educational experience.  In America, I feel that Ireland was sort of glossed over in history class (as are many things) and I found Ben's 'tour' to be very informative.  The present history is very raw.  They are used to violence, but as Ben has told me, now there isn't a time for violence--that time has passed.

The history and politics aside, Ireland is a beautiful country.  The Irish are an extremely open and welcoming people.  They do have Irish banter, openly joke and criticise about their family and friends, but this is all in good fun and not unusual.  What I found most beautiful, however, was the sense of trust and family the Irish have.  I had the opportunity to meet much of Ben's family.  I was immediately welcomed into their homes and their lives.  I was shocked how everyone, after only knowing me for a few hours welcomed me back to their homes and genuinely meant it.  Ben's Mom told me that here, they mean it.  I could come back to Ireland with out Ben and say that I was his friend and they would trust that and let me into their home.  These people don't take crap, but they do open their hearts and homes to those they trust.  I find that sense of trust, openness, and family no matter who you are truly touching.  I got asked a lot if my family came from Ireland (since so many Americans do).  When I responded that I really don't have any ounce of Irish blood in me (I'm half Chinese and half Jewish--and by Jewish, from the shtetls in what is now Poland) they said that I am perhaps the only American who does not have Irish roots, but that I now have Irish family. 

What I have found most touching about being abroad is the welcoming nature of people no matter who you are and where you are from.  This was one of those rare, and truly touching times.  Thanks, Ben for showing me your country and its beauty!

This Volcano.

Have any of you seen 2012?  I did... and as much as I like to indulge in those sort of movies, a part of me secretly thinks that these 'myths' will actually come true.  Things to date since seeing that movie: earthquakes and now this volcano.  I know it's not to say that the Mayan predictions will come true (and honestly I hope not because there are a lot of things I want to do in life) but I do think the earth is telling us things.

This volcano has disrupted many people.  I have friends who are stuck in all different parts of the world and can't get back to home or their university.  It's not good for the airlines and their economy, other forms of transportation are somewhat taking advantage of this and hiking up prices, and this could be a problem for months.

However... something unusual, or coincidental, is happening in London: we have had the most beautiful days I have ever seen.  The skies are blue like I have never seen before in my life.  No clouds, beautiful weather, and sun.  I am no scientist (but I once was... sort of) but I wonder if there has to be a connection between no airplanes in the sky and beautiful, clear skies.

Or... it could be God/Nature/Higher Power saying, 'Thank you for not polluting my skies for a few days.'

Apologies...

Apologies to those (few) readers of this somewhat lame blog. I have been absent because of frantic discussions about getting to the festival, rehearsing for the festival, and ultimately going to the festival! The festival was a complicated affair that I learned a lot from but also had my contentions. But, as to not spoil or speak ill of things, I would like to highlight what I learned and loved:

1. Spending a week with what has become the best large university social group I have had was wonderful. Bonding times, living in a somewhat obscure town for a week, and raucous nights were highlights.
2. I think I've learned a bit of what it's like to be on tour - get a new venue, have little time to figure out how everything works and then do a show! This gave me very little time to freak out.
3. I love the theatre. So much. I love it in its messiness, when we're all kind of doing a show on a prayer and yet it happily turns out better than it ever was.
4. I have learned that if I truly believe and trust in myself, normally my mind and body will follow. Let's put it this way: my performance, technically, this time was solid. In comparison to the show in December, I did not mess up the counting in my individual, difficult pieces. Was it because I relearned things? Partially, but I set my mind to not letting me psyche myself out and I accomplished that. That sounds cocky... but I am proud of how I overcame my psychological barrier.
5. I would love to do a show forever and ever. BUT, being in the midst of school work, in some ways I feel that if I were to really grow the next time I (hopefully!) play Cinderella I would need time to grow as a human being.
6. Not everyone is going to like you and that's life. Actors are notoriously insecure. I am most definitely an insecure human being. Acting is a very emotionally risky business because you invest your heart and soul into a character that in one sentence a critic can destroy. I've learned that that will happen and that I need to develop a tougher skin.
7. There's no spirit like team spirit. UCL won the pub quiz. And it was, possibly, one of the happiest moments of my life. We cheered like we won the World Cup or £1,000,000. We truthfully won neither.
8. I will cherish this experience for good and for bad for my entire life. I'm just so happy I got to do the show again and with people that I love.

Post-show I had the opportunity to see more of England and Ireland. Pictures, adventures, and thoughts to come... especially as we get closer to - yes, my return home.

And by home, I mean New York.

New York I have missed you loads.
London I will miss you when I am in New York.
It's a Catch-22.

Lastly, what I've learned the most about the above experience and about my time in London: the importance of friends. Friends are so important. Cherish them because at times, I feel they are the only thing holding me together.

I wish to go to the festival! And the ball!

Into the Woods was entered into the National Student Drama Festival and was shortlisted in January for the top 15 shows out of over 150. About two weeks ago, we found out that we are in fact, GOING TO THE FESTIVAL! I cannot describe what an honour it is to go not just for the society, but for UCL. We are one of eight shows and the only musical. I am extremely excited to reprise playing Cinderella and to spend a week in Scarborough with my peers who have become some of my best friends.

I will post news and such as it gets released. We will have a right up in the Sunday Times... oooo....

Oh Amsterdam...

It's been seven years since I was introduced to Amsterdam by my loving Great Aunt and Uncle. It was a quick visit, as was this most recent one, but I knew I wanted to come back. Amsterdam is SUCH a beautiful city with so much culture. And there's something so progressive about the city and yet so historic. What made this trip even more special, however, was the fact that I got to see the city through my Dutch friend, Barbara.

Barbara and I went to Stella Adler together. When I first found out she was from Amsterdam I boasted about my trip to that wonderful city and my obsession with Stroopwafels (two thin wafer/waffles held together by honey). When she visited home she kindly brought genuine Stroopwafels back to New York. Back in her home country and bubbling with creative energy, reconnecting with Barbara was refreshing. But seeing her with her friends, in the neighbourhood she spent so many years in before coming to New York, I saw Amsterdam through the eyes of a city native. The benefits do not just include zipping through the main attractions in about two hours and not having to navigate a map, but seeing Amsterdam separate from the touristy bits.

What sticks out most in my mind:

1) The Dutch are a very open society (i.e. Marijuana is legal and sold in coffee shops and Prostitution is partially legal and regulated by the government)
2) The HOUSES. They are tilted from the foundations shifting after hundreds of years. Plus, the doors are so narrow that people, even today, use pulleys outside the house to hoist furniture into flats.
3) The staircases! Visiting Anne Frank's House and going up those stairs are very steep. But the stairs to Barbara's place were equally dangerous!
4) The canals. Oh so beautiful. Water is soothing, and those canals are just so romantic and really do transport me back to what I would think Amsterdam was 50, 100, 200 years ago.
5) Bikes/trams. They are everywhere. And crossing the street is dodging traffic from all directions!

I found, or maybe it's because I'm on holiday, that the Dutch seemed to be a fairly relaxed group of people. They ride bikes, they go to museums, they love their friends, their lovers, their beer, and they love to have a good time. I feel like that's something general I've seen in Europe and I think America should incorporate that sense of relaxation. They don't hang around and do nothing, far from it, but the worries or anxieties of the world don't consume them. They enjoy life and the people in it. Whether it's the numerous cups of coffee they drink at home, in the cafes - it's amazing! And the homes, are just so cozy. It's expensive to eat out in Amsterdam, but it's not that expensive to buy food - and just being in Barbara's house and seeing the atmosphere around her place: the home is an important place. (So is the cafe!)

Back to touristy things: I visited the Dutch Resistance Museum, the Anne Frank Huis, and the Van Gogh Museum. The DRM was nice in the same way the other museums I've been to in different countries. I like to learn how WWII affected each country, city, and group of people. What happened in Amsterdam was different from Copenhagen, from London, etc. And boy did the Amsterdam-ers resist. Newspapers, radio, sabotage. And the Amsterdam-ers didn't like the Dutch who cooperated with the Nazis either. What it highlighted, however, was how the Dutch in the beginning easily gave the info to the Nazis (Jewish or non - many people were sent to work camps or to work for the Nazis) and how they didn't think twice in the beginning. Also, few Jews in Amsterdam survived. And the exhibition highlighted how difficult it was for Jews to find hiding.

On the WWII theme... revisiting Anne Frank's Huis was difficult for me. The first time I saw it it was interesting. This time, I was choked up from the first part of the exhibition. Everything sunk in more: Anne's innocence and youth was taken away from her at such a young age. She had to know so much pain and fear and once that started, there was really no redemption. Her diary showed her complex thoughts but it also showed how quickly she grew up. As for Otto Frank, I don't know how he could bear losing everyone in his family, especially his children.

But I don't want to end this blog on a sad note. Instead, I want to emphasise how much I love Amsterdam. And... how being away from London makes me love London more. I also have begun to realise how at home London feels. And... when it comes time to leave I will be sad and will hope for the day when I get to live back in London again. Maybe if this acting thing works out I'll get a job here for a few months... One can dream.

Copenhagen!

Hello from Copenhagen! I am visiting one of my childhood best friends, Sarah. Firstly, Copenhagen is COLD. It's literally a short ride across the water to Sweden and that means we are pretty far north! This is most definitely Scandinavia. Besides the snow, the cold, the grey (sounds a bit like Cleveland...) Copenhagen is a very beautiful and welcoming city. They don't really have cafes here, but they have this thing called "hygge" which means "cosy". Everywhere you go, a bakery, a sandwich shop, a restaurant is exactly that: cosy. I think it's because outside is FREEZING so when you go inside it's very welcoming and home-y. Candles are always lit and it sort of feels like you're walking into someone's home. The first day I got here Sarah took me to a sandwich shop near Nyhavn (a beautiful harbor) where when you walked in there was a girl standing at a till and she made your sandwiches in what looked like a tiny apartment kitchen. It sort of felt like I was buying a sandwich from someone's home.

I haven't really visited the many historical museums in Copenhagen as things are very expensive and I haven't had a lot of time. I did go to the Design Museum which talked a lot about sustainability and environmentally friendly design for the future (very Danish!). We also took a tour to Christiania - a commune in Christianhavn. It's a commune... almost small utopia literally in the middle of Copenhagen. They don't like to be a part of Copenhagen let alone the EU. Even though marijuana is illegal in Denmark, in Christiania they sell it on the street (we're talking... a small road that looks like a farm) where, funnily, the Danish police come in and try to shut it down (consequently, you're not aloud to take photos on that street). But everyone pretty much recycles everything, BUILDS THEIR OWN HOUSE (I'm serious!), and rides bikes to carry everything. The children all have their own day care and they have a blacksmith, a *womens blacksmith* (yes... women who are blacksmiths), and someone who repairs old furnaces. Very interesting... very odd.

That said. I am tired. I've met some Danes - very lovely, reserved, and warm. I leave tomorrow but still have ample time to explore... that may include the Resistance museum! (FYI: Denmark was occupied by the Germans in WWII as Denmark borders Germany. Many Jews from Denmark fled to Sweden because of this).

Then... it is off to Amsterdam. As good as it is for me to travel - I miss London. I feel very much at home there and feel... like it IS my home. I miss my friends, the familiarity, and just the sense that in London everything is okay. I will be glad to get back there on Saturday.

But if there's one thing traveling does, especially in Europe, it makes me see how DIFFERENT cultures are in such close proximity. Sometimes, the more time I spend away from America the more I realise how crazy America is!

"Twelfth Night" at the Royal Shakespeare Company

Today, I had the opportunity to see Shakespeare's Twelfth Night performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company.

Let me start with saying that Twelfth Night is my favorite Shakespeare play. I love the comedy, the language, the protagonist Viola, and the themes of doubleness and mistaken identity. It is, like most Shakespeare comedies, a play where all of the confusion and conflict are quickly resolved at the end.  Despite the absurdity of characters' quick changes in opinion, the play seems to end happily with all characters satisfied and all problems resolved.

A synopsis: Illyria.  The Duke Orsino is in love with Olivia, a wealthy woman who is mourning the death of her brother.  Viola is shipwrecked on Illyria and believes her brother to be dead.  In order to remain safe (as women can't be wandering around alone), she disguises herself as a boy, Cesario, and works in Orsino's company. What ensues is a love triangle where Olivia falls in love with Cesario (Viola), Viola falls in love with Orsino, and Orsino continues to pursue Olivia.  The plot gets even more complicated when Sebastian ends up on Illyria and everyone believes Cesario (Viola) are the same person.  There is also a comedic subplot with the roles of Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, Feste, and Maria.  These three characters all pull a prank on the puritanical servant Malvolio.

There's a lot going on here, but what I want to highlight is what made this production so wonderful. A statement: The RSC always seems to find something NEW in the text. The details in which they find new comedy and new specificity make the play so much more accessible to their audiences. As an audience member we are pulled into the world of the play because the actors take time to indulge in the language and find the humor.  They take so much care in each line that we can follow the plot effortlessly.

Nothing is glossed over. Every word, pause, laugh is accounted for.

At Stella Adler my first scene study teacher said "Specificity is close to Godliness".  What does this mean?  It means when you're specific with each word, intention, and movement, everything becomes clear, precise, and the story is told more successfully.  In this production, their specificity was impeccable. In Shakespeare, if you play the details the viewers are not only are able to become absorbed into the story but they can also then APPRECIATE the beauty and the intelligence of his work.

While Twelfth Night is funny, it is a complicated comedy because it deals with doubleness, mistaken identity, and the sinister darkness of betrayal and imprisonment.

Viola's disguise as Cesario evokes homoeroticism between Cesario and Orsino and also Orsino and Olivia. I LOVED that this production didn't shy away from any of the homoerotic aspects of the text:

There is a part of Viola that falls for Olivia when she's disguised as Cesario.  Also, a part of Orsino falls in love with Cesario, whom he believes to be a man.  This is what makes Orsino's marriage to Viola believable: he loved her when she was disguised as a man.  Orsino marries Viola only when he finds out that Cesario, the man he fell in love with, is really a woman.

But the plain reality is: Olivia falls in love with A WOMAN (Viola) and Orsino falls in love with A MAN (Cesario).

Shakespeare, ESPECIALLY his comedies, are full of female friendship and homoeroticism. In the Renaissance, "Female Friendship", homoerotic friendship between women, was seen as a necessary step before women were to enter into a heterosexual relationships. So the fact that Olivia falls for Viola and pursues her allows Olivia to "get ready" for the heterosexual relationship she has with Sebastian (Viola's twin brother). As for Viola, using words of love to "woo" Olivia for Orsino allow her to indulge in female friendship before marrying Orsino. The specificity in this production allowed the audience to see the moments where all of these three characters identified some homoerotic feeling for one another that SURPRISED both the characters and the audience. We saw Orsino fall in love with his servant Cesario and Viola enjoy wooing Olivia. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they made this present. Why? It's a VITAL theme within the play: homoeroticism, homosexuality, and the way in which all of these characters have homosexual tendencies (even though they end up in heterosexual relationships).

More importantly: this was common in the Renaissance. ESPECIALLY for women. But I am repeating myself.

Also, on the concept of homosexuality, I loved how Antonio, the pirate who saves Sebastian (Viola's brother), relentlessly professes his love for Sebastian.  He emphasizes how much time they spent together and how he blatantly loves Sebastian more than just as a companion. His love for Sebastian, though unrequited, nearly consumes him. Once again, this production did not shy away from Antonio's passion for Sebastian which I feel, in most  productions, is underplayed and overseen.

But what was so wonderful about this production was the ending: Viola stays in her "man" clothes and marries Orsino. Even though the text has Orsino asking to FIRST see Viola in "womanly" clothing, in this production, the last image before Feste the fool comes on, is the image of Viola (with short hair, and in her man's clothes) kissing Orsino. What we essentially have is the image of two men kissing. How much more blatant can the director be about homosexuality in this text?

It's vital and so overlooked. But what does this mean? It means that while the marriages are a bit thrown together, what this production emphasized was the pervading essence of homoeroticism and the TRUTH that all of these characters somewhat fell in love with someone of their same sex... even though they married the "other".

Lastly: the other overlooked issues is the darkness of this play. The play ends in marriage, but we have characters who end unhappily:  Malvolio who is tormented and imprisoned and once released not taken seriously, Sir Andrew who does not win Olivia's love, and the unhappy marriage between Maria and Sir Toby. What does this production do? After all of the marriages have happened, Feste sings cheerfully and these four characters walk across the stage sullenly. The production does not overlook the fact that while this is a comedy, this is a comedy that deceptively ends well. Many characters end this play deceived and wronged.

Too many times have I seen this play, and many other Shakespeare plays, interpreted as solely having a "happy ending". These plays seem to end happily, but there are so many levels in which the plays are open-ended. Twelfth Night is particularly dark. It is twisted, melancholic, and violent.

This production left the audience with two provocative elements of this play:

1) Homoeroticism and the fact that it drives nearly all of the characters' feelings in this play.

2) This is not a happy ending. In fact, it's perverse because we have two extremes: happiness and true ruin. And we're left with the image of ruin.

Not all comedies end happily or as cleanly as we would like. Thank you, William. You are truly brilliant.

"I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you." - Malvolio's last line. 5.1

Hello, London!

Well, that was quick! Yes, a quick pit-stop back on the East Coast of the US of A. It was comforting to go back to the States and eat many bagels, pretzels, good Chinese food, and goldfish. I have also brought back with me goldfish, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, AND pretzels.

Is it also weird being back in London? Yes. Yes because it's odd to feel that a foreign country is now... familiar. Have I started to develop a network here? Yes. In someways I've started to develop a network bigger than I had in New York. And what's wonderful about my *limited* travel experience is even though there are cultural differences (no matter how small), it's nice to encounter people who really do like the same things I like and that we can share a common interest (read: musical theatre).

That said, being in London, as much as I could see myself here - I do feel that New York is my home. London you come in second place. But I've also accepted that no matter WHAT side of the Atlantic I'm on I always have issues and worries going on in my mind so really... no place is perfect. It's just learning to accept and deal with myself that's the real task.

But London has a charm and history that I will always love. And that biting British humor.

I also secretly love that I am considered a "Yank." Because let's face it... I never became patriotic until I left the country I used to feel so un-patriotic about.