I'VE MOVED

I'M SORRY BLOGGER.... REALLY I AM.

BUT I'M MOVING...

TO WORDPRESS.

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Mark Rylance is realllllllllyyyyyy awesome.

So I saw the play Jerusalem on Broadway yesterday.  I first heard about this play when I was living in London last year but it was completely sold out and I kept on kicking myself for not getting tickets.  So, when I heard it was moving ro Broadway I was ecstatic.  It also took me many months to finally get my act together to see this great show.

Firstly, I. LOVE. MARK. RYLANCE.  I saw him in Boeing Boeing a few years back.  That show, a farce, was hilarious because of the theatrical form, but mostly because of Mark Rylance's impeccable comic timing and physicality.  I remember that my voice teacher from Stella Adler told us that this was the most relaxed performance she had ever seen.

In Jerusalem, Mark Rylance plays a drug dealing social outcast whom thinks of himself as a king in his own right.  This show had its comic moments but was a far cry from the light heartedness and ease of Boeing Boeing.  Jerusalem is a very complicated play.  There were two articles in the Playbill about this show, clearly showing how much this play has stirred up New York audiences.  But one of the articles really highlighted how the convoluted, allegorical form of the play wasn't necessarily intended to evoke homage to the great writers and characters in the English literary canon.  The playwright was particularly surprised that the New York critics viewed his play as a social commentary utilizing the famous literary figures throughout time including Falstaff, Fagan, Byron, Shakespeare, and the like.  While I don't intend to dissect the full meaning of what I believed the play to be about, this was clearly a play about the current English state of being and the problems within the English society (and I specifically say ENGLAND because of the English flag present, NOT the Union Jack).

There was a time when I would spend HOURS pouring over what a complicated play like Jerusalem meant.  I would try to dissect every meaning underneath a word that resonated or a specific name of a character.  I don't know if it's just pure mental exhaustion or just acceptance of a play for what it is - but I don't intend to dissect this play into some sort of allegorical meaning.  In some ways, that analysis strips the beauty of the play's mystery.

But what I want to talk about is MARK RYLANCE.  This man is the actor's actor.  He uses language in a way that so few actors do nowadays.  The ending of Jerusalem was breathtaking because I could see how connected he was with his language.  His specificity is not really seen a lot today.  And that's what makes him so watchable even when a play or the dialogue may be unclear.  In addition to language, my GOD does this man know how to use his body.  He is so connected with his body.  And I've realized that connection with the body is not just how an actor physicalizes a character (which Rylance did impeccably-he makes tiny adjustments that speak millions of words), but how an actor holds himself in stillness and in relation to other actors.  In Jerusalem, I found Rylance's control over his body allowed his body to speak a message about the character in a specific moment.  Mark Rylance makes the audience's work easy.  He knows his characters so well that we can just watch this man LIVE in the men he plays.

Mark Rylance truly is a tour-de-force.  I could watch him all day.  And even though his character in Jerusalem was tragic, I couldn't help but love that at the curtain call he started doing a short gleeful jig.  This man LOVES what he does and does it so well.  That is a true gift.

Strauss-Kahn and Misleading Feminism

In the New York Times an article entitled "After Strauss-Kahn's Arrest, Frenchwomen Speak Out" the writers propose that French women feel Strauss-Kahn's arrest will fuel women's rights in France, particularly concerning sexual harassment.  The article itself is hopeful, siting the American Justice system directly correlates to American Feminism.  It implies that because we openly prosecute an extremely important man for allegedly attacking a woman that Feminism is more actualized and recognized than in France.  I see two problems with this: firstly, there's a big difference between the procedures of the American Justice system and how Feminism is perceived in America.  Secondly, what is Feminism?  (And I don't mean to spark a tiresome and overdone debate on the definition of feminism.)  I do not believe that "Feminism" can be seen as merely how a country deals with sexual offenders.  Feminism is a belief in certain values that are not limited to the legal system.  I also believe that Feminism can only be seen as successfully integrated into a culture when these beliefs are present within culture and NOT just through the legal system.  The article implies that Feminism is both respect for women in terms of prosecuting sexual offenders and also a culture of respect for women in general.

These are two VERY different ideas.

Prosecuting a man for his sexual harassment of women IS a reflection of the country's view on women.  In America, as the article implies, this means that an attack on a woman is unacceptable no matter whom the offender is (the other issue is the fact that women are discouraged from speaking out because of the powerful roles certain men have-the issue of discretion is another one I am not looking to address).  But prosecuting a man for attacking a woman doesn't necessarily mean that Feminism is completely actualized in America compared to France.  In the article, a woman mentions how "flirting" does not bother her at all because it's a complement.  The article implies this sort of flirtation in France objectifies women.  But doesn't this happen in America too?  Nearly all of my friends, including myself, have been harmlessly cat-called by construction workers on the street or passers by.  I sure as hell view this objectification as disrespectful, but you can BET that I view it as a big fat complement.  My point?  In this respect, we are not that different in terms of our progress on objectifying women.  Furthermore, the article also says that in France if you're a "Feminist" you are viewed as "unfeminine."

My eyes bulged out of my sockets when I read this.  While the article never fully states that in America Feminism is accepted as "feminine", it implies that America is more progressive in viewing Feminists more favorably.  I'm sorry to say I have to disagree.  Despite a supposedly successful Feminist Revolution, calling oneself a Feminist in this country still evokes a stereotype of desexualized, ball-busting, and pants-wearing women.  I was educated at all women's institutions and there was still a stigma around identifying oneself as a Feminist.  More practically, at my graduation ceremony the speaker, Sheryl Sandberg, emphasized the fact that the "glass ceiling" of gender inequality is still there.  Women are still paid less than men in this country, and there are still more men whom are tenured professors, business executives, and scientists.  I am not one to say that to "break the glass ceiling" women must pursue these fields.  Hardly.  But if we're going to measure gender equality by pay and the ratio of men to women in certain fields, America is hardly a model for gender equality and Feminism.

What the Strauss-Kahn Arrest emphasizes is that legally and publicly we as a country respect women by prosecuting perpetrators of sexual harassment. But legally prosecuting perpetrators cannot infer that American Feminism is more progressive than French Feminism, at least on the surface.

An Event that Marks a Generation

On May 1 around 11:20 p.m. I found out that Osama Bin Laden was killed by the United States Military.  I have now proceeded to watch not only President Obama's speech but almost any news broadcast I can find on the internet (I don't have a tv).

One news broadcaster said that this is a moment that marks a generation.  I would have to agree.  There are many momentous occasions in each generation.  But for my generation, this is probably the most significant.  My generation remembers where we were when we found out about the attacks on September 11, 2011, as does every American on that day.  We all remember how that affected our lives.  But I would argue that 9/11 was the single most historical event of my generation.  In many ways, we all grew up that day and became attune to the fragility of our country.  Tonight, we are marked by another historical event - Osama Bin Laden's death.

There are people celebrating out on the streets in front of the White House and through out New York City, the Country, and the world.  But I hardly think this is the end.  It's a symbolic end to almost a decade of the leader of Terror.  However, it's hardly the end of terror itself.  With every action comes a reaction and I genuinely fear the aftermath of this event.

That said, in this moment, I have to acknowledge the grace and poignancy of President Obama's speech.  I do hope that this action will help his campaign next year.  I also hope that his line - that we were never fighting a war against Islam is VITAL.  Too long has 9/11 and the "War on Terror" been misinterpreted and used for racism in this country.  It's also been exploited for political advantage over the decade, disgracing those whom died in the 9/11 attacks and those whom continue to serve this country.

I never realized my patriotism for America until I went abroad for a year and was constantly identified by the country I was from rather than my personality.  I would still say I'm not that patriotic.  But I would say that this is a huge achievement for President Obama and this country and I am proud.  While I know this is not the end of terrorism, I feel a sense of finality with this news and to that I can celebrate.

Dancing dancing dancing.

I would like to dedicate this post to dancing.

I started taking dance classes seriously when I was 11.  I decided to enroll in tap, jazz, and ballet to help me with musical theatre.  I enjoyed it, but never really felt confident in my ability as a "dancer".  I stopped taking dance classes when I was in high school but started to take them again when I got to college.  Barnard College has one of the best dance programs in the country.  It's a BA program meaning it is not a conservatory program and the students must take academic classes.  Many of the dancers whom take class do not major in dance and take class because they love to dance.  The dancers at Barnard are smart, fun, REALLY good, and so so talented.

I have always been a bit self conscious about dancing.  I got into it knowing I would never become a professional dancer.  But for some reason I felt that this precluded me from fully owning the fact that I loved to dance and could still perform.  I was self conscious of my skill level and it prevented me from dancing (and by dancing I mean expressing and sharing through movement rather than going through the motions) both in class and extracurricularly.  This semester, I'm dancing more than I ever have in my life: Ballet V, Ballet IV, and Modern III.  This means I'm dancing five times a week.  I love it and it's made me realize, "Hey Lauren, you ARE a dancer.  OWN IT.  You can perform.  You love it, so share it and enjoy it."  Sure, I'll never be in a professional ballet company.  But that doesn't mean I won't be able to collaborate with others to create dance works that say something to the world... or are just a load of fun.


So... being a second semester senior and realizing there were many things I still wanted to do, I auditioned for the student dance group: Orchesis.  Orchesis is great because everyone gets in.  Different pieces have different levels so all levels are showcased.  I was in a Tap piece and an African/Modern/Hip-Hop dance.  Dancing with Orchesis made me realize how much I do love to dance... and how much I need to dance after college.  It also made me realize how my own insecurities prevented me from allowing myself to embrace an aspect of myself that I love.

So don't let yourself or anyone else prevent you from doing what you love.  And mostly, we owe it to ourselves to do what we love... whether it's dancing professionally at Lincoln Center or in a studio at Barnard College.

"I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance."  -George Balanchine

Jane Eyre

Let me preface this post by saying how much I loved Jane Eyre when I first read it in high school for my AP English course.  I was so excited by the book that I proceeded to bring in the soundtrack from the musical of the same name. 

I love Jane Eyre because of it's darkness, suffering, complicated romance, and really difficult ending.  It's a novel in which we are rooting for Jane despite her misfortunes (and there are many).  I also love Jane Eyre because in many ways it's the antithesis to Jane Austen novels.  In my senior English class we talked about how Charlotte Bronte hated Jane Austen and mocked her shmaltzy romantic comedies with the suffering of Jane Eyre.  She also made it very clear that her title character, Jane, was a direct jab at Jane Austen.  I also feel there are so many darker layers in Jane Eyre, especially with the Bertha, Mr. Rochester's first wife.

The new movie adaptation of this novel came out this past weekend and I truly loved the film.  It was dark and the cinematography was absolutely breathtaking (it makes me miss England!).  It is shot very darkly clearly emphasizing the dreariness of the title character and the hopelessness she feels through out the novel.  I also found Mia Wasikowska to be a great pick for Jane.  I liked her interpretation of Jane as very cold, held, and pragmatic.  However, she was a bit difficult to like as my friend pointed out.  And the intimate scenes between Jane and Mr. Rochester were a little awkward.

This film is great because it doesn't shy away from the darkness of the novel.  However, I feel that with any film adaptation details are lost.  My friend had not read the novel beforehand (for shame!) and found it both frustrating and a little confusing to watch.  I, on the other hand, was waiting to see how they would interpret Bertha and how Mr. Rochester's proposal to Jane would play out.  So clearly the story was a little difficult to follow for an unfamiliar audience member.  That said, because the nature of the novel requires the narrator's voice the dialogue was also at times difficult to balance with the silence of the film.  This was a very quiet film.  There were a lot of scenic wide shots and a lot of action shots and not necessarily a lot of dialogue.  I liked this a lot because I feel it gave the sense of "reading" the film, like reading the novel.  However, because the dialogue was so heightened it contrasted with the silence and almost seemed to mock the romantic dialogue normally seen in a Jane Austen novel.  Whether or not this was intentional was difficult to pinpoint.

This film adaptation was smart.  It didn't just tell the story of Jane Eyre it also heightened the stylistic aspects of the novel by making the misery and loneliness apparent through cinematography and silence.  I like that this film made me think even though I knew the novel.  It didn't just carry you along through a nice romantic story.  You, like Jane, had to fight to feel the emotion and fulfillment at the end.  I found myself very absorbed in the film but also interpreting it intellectually much more than other films and I believe this was because the film allowed you to think for yourself.  The silence gave me time and the different styles gave me the foundation to question and make my own decision on the actions on the screen.  The film is in some ways a clash of stylistic themes, but it is also a highly enjoyable and intellectual piece of film, much like the novel.

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will."
- Charlotte Bronte,  Jane Eyre

"Jazz Ain’t Dead" at the Joyce Soho

  Most of the professional dance performances I have seen are very well known large companies that perform in huge theatres.  This was my first time viewing a much smaller company in a smaller space.  Jazz Ain’t Dead is a dance and live music fusion group.  They pay tribute to many different jazz styles.  Their current performance at the Joyce Soho is a tribute to Gershwin’s Porgy & Bess, the classic score from the 1930s.  All in all, this was a fun night.  I felt like I wanted to get up and dance to a lot of the music and it seemed the the other audience members felt the same way too.

While there was live music and singing throughout the entire show, the emphasis was on dancing.  Most of the pieces were modern pieces in a large or small group, or in pas de duexs.  I found the large group numbers to be the cleanest, most energetic, and most skilled.  The beginning and ending numbers were upbeat leaving barely any moment of silence or stillness.  The dancers in these pieces were constantly turning, leaping, doing lifts, and switching from sequence to sequence.  I found that the choreographer’s work truly shined in these moments.  The group sequences really allowed different messages (whether it be sensuality, seduction, play, confrontation) to be portrayed while still feeding off of a large group dynamic.  In addition, I found the dancers to be most on top of the moves and most engaged in these moments.  The music was so fast and high energy that the movement required extreme precision.  There was a sense of unity and it culminated in a performance that swept me away.  I felt enticed by their movement and found that the music and their movement to be so complimentary that I wanted to get up and dance with them.

In addition to large dance numbers the night was sprinkled with duets and small group numbers.  These exuded sensuality only accentuated by the music.  One duet was absolutely breathtaking.  This female dancer, all in white, had amazing extensions but also knew how to use the music with the movement.  She was fluid and connected each movement to the next, epitomizing the sensuality of the music.  Her movement informed her acting and communicated so much more than just “sex appeal” but a feeling of loss, deep emotion, and passion.  When she was on stage, I could not take my eyes off of her. 

To me, jazz is most fun in its unpredictability.  While the dance style was mostly modern there was one tap piece.  As a tapper, I absolutely loved this piece.  I do not think that this entire number was choreographed because it seemed like a dialogue between the drummer and the tapper.  In the beginning of the piece the tapper incapsulated the rhythm of the band behind him.  By the end of the piece he was having a “stand off” with the drummer.  Both were doing a call and response with rhythm getting faster and more complicated with each challenge.  This was such fun to watch.  This tapper had been in Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk on Broadway and was using his tap dancing in a different way than the other choreography.  Tap is about making music with your dancing and this dancer found so many different rhythms and sounds with his feet.  His feet moved so fast that he even chipped the wood off of his dancing platform!

Would I recommend seeing this show?  Yes.  It’s a fun performance that makes you want to jump up and dance.  However, there are aspects of it that are a little problematic: they did have technical issues, the emcee seemed a little off, and I found some of the dancing to be unequal with the the larger group numbers.  But all in all, I had a good time and came away in a good mood.

New Beginning... Or just changing of the cycles.

This blog has existed for many purposes: keeping family up to date in my world adventures, a place to write my thoughts after seeing great works of theatre, and a way to share my feelings on friends and experiences.  I've kept silent for these past few months because I've felt I haven't had much to say.  That's of course, I've got plenty to say, it's just is it worth sharing?

I graduate very soon and am nervous about the change: I'm doubting acting and contemplating other career options.  But am I avoiding acting out of fear?  Yes.  Am I just worried about everything?  Yes.

And then, as I was walking to a coffee shop to study in California (Spring Break), I thought: "wouldn't it be cathartic and fun to SHARE my anxieties and changes as I transition into the real world?"

Then I thought, of course, who would read it?  But that's a different matter.  I've spent so many hours in my senior year WORRIED about what will happen next and if everything I felt to be true was changing.  It's hard for me to think of these things as an "adventure".  I just find it... terrifying.

So.  As this blog shifts, once again, this will be a venture into the all-too-blogged-about/all-too-familiar, documentation of a college student transitioning into the "real world".

I hope you find it humorous, endearing, annoying, and maybe even a little helpful along the way.

Friends

While I procrastinate from my MOUNDS of reading I have to do for this week, I thought I would share something that moved me this past weekend and made me think: friends.

Friends, we all have them in some capacity or another, and each friend means something different.  As my dad says, 'we can have different friends for different reasons' (a friend who you always like to go to the movies with, or out to drinks, or to just TALK, or those catch-all friends).  But sometimes, especially as I am back in New York at Barnard from a year away, I'm truly moved by how friendships are able to subsist over time and how just a four minute or forty minute conversation can truly make think how happy I am to have met these people.

And then it got me thinking - the friends we make, like life, are very much due to chance.  What would have happened if I hadn't started talking to my Stagedoor roommate?  Or if I hadn't decided to go on a walk with that one girl down the hall freshman year to the movies?  Or if I hadn't turned around and talked to the group of teenagers behind me in rehearsal? Or if circumstances were different: What would have happened if I hadn't auditioned for that musical at UCL? Or if I hadn't gone to Hathaway Brown and began divulging my love for Lord of the Rings?

But it's not just chance, it's about effort - making that bold move to say - let's go see that movie, or why don't we hang out?  And it's scary.  But I look back at the friends I have now and think: Thank GOD that this is how things worked out.

Yesterday night, I Skyped with two of my closest friends who, coincidentally, I met in London.  Speaking to them on Skype was like a part of me was awakened - a part of me that I've missed.  The laughter, the quick witted remarks, and the reminder that there was a time last year where most of my time was spent with these two people and that they became my family.  I think of these two people with such fondness and love - because I feel like they represent a friendship unlike any that I have had.  Maybe it's just that we all 'got' each other, or that they became my support group when I was in a country alone, but after talking to them yesterday I wanted to jump on a plane again just to be with them.  But also knew, that while I missed the times we had and the ability to see them everyday, that this was a friendship that would last for a VERY long time.

It's a wonderful thing when friendships become family.  When that happens all I can say is that I am truly truly blessed.

Think about your friends... they truly are remarkable.

An Eye Opening Experience

I say that a lot: 'eye opening'.  Going to London was 'eye opening', so was Into the Woods, and so was my time at UCL.

But now I'm talking about a different type of 'eye opening': something that truly makes me evaluate the fortune I've had in my short life.


I am spending the summer volunteering with an organization called Artists Striving to End Poverty (ASTEP).  I have wanted to get involved with this organization for a while as it looks to use the arts, mostly performing arts, to help build confidence and self expression in impoverished youth around the world.  They have programs in South Africa, India, Florida, and New York working with orphans and refugees.  This summer, I am fortunate enough to be volunteering as a Musical Theatre teacher teaching new refugees in a Summer Academy program run by the International Rescue Committee.  I teach along with one to two co-teachers in a middle school class and two high school classes.  Some of these students have been in the US for a week to months to a few years.  I don't know their background, but I can't imagine what they've been through - some of them being thrown into a school program after being in this country for A WEEK knowing not a sentence in English.

I have always been drawn to teaching (I've taught little ones and tutored Middle School), but this experience has been a whole different ball game.  Commanding twenty to thirty students in a sweltering, unairconditioned, high school in Bushwick is grueling enough.  But add on the varying English language comprehension of each student, little knowledge of each students' background, and ultimately the task of getting these middle school and high school students to open up.

On the first day of class I realized how my 'training' from Stella Adler and years of theatre experiences (making a fool of myself, immediately working with others, and maintaining an open and receptive body) prepared me for this type of environment.  Playing theatre games and teaching them a song in English for many was difficult.  It took a while before they felt remotely comfortable in using their bodies.

These students have grown so much in just six weeks - from barely focusing and working with their peers to having more open and confident bodies, maintaining eye contact and focus with a large group, working together, and keeping a beat (much harder than one would think).

I was reminded of what an Adler teacher said about voice work: the skills we learn in here do not just help us as actors but in whatever we do - maintaining an open body, looking people in the eye, and engaging others.  I would like to think that these kids learned a bit of that.

But more than that - these kids inspire me.  I have been given so many opportunities - the opportunity to volunteer for a summer - and seeing these kids who have been uprooted from their homes, some of whom have probably seen atrocities and suffered trauma I can't even imagine, I realize how minuscule my problems truly are.  Plus, these students come in with more optimism and drive than I will ever have.  Their optimism for the future is boundless because all they see is what is ahead of them and not behind.

We were doing a reflection exercise and I said that the students could write in their own language if English was too hard.  A student from Guinea said, 'I know French, I don't need French, I am here, I need English so I write in English!'.  He had been here for a few weeks and he was determined to only write in English - even if it was a few sentences.  And when he handed me that piece of paper he was proud.  That type of pride I can only watch from afar but never really know - wanting to absolutely forget where I came from and propel forward so fast, faster than my own abilities can take me.

These students want to become doctors, lawyers, have families, change their countries.  They have taught me more than I have taught them.  I am humbled by their determination and their optimism and by their warmth.

New York is a fascinating place - the unbelievably wealthy and the unbelievably poor, the elite and the refugee.  With my private school education, Seven Sisters education, a year to study abroad, and never having to truly worry about money, I am very close to the bourgeois world of weekly manicures, designer bags, and weekly gossip over drinks in Soho.  And while there is a part of me that wants that, I am so thankful for these students for showing me what's really going on in the world and real issues where people need to find REFUGE in a different country.  I am exhausted, but these students inspire me to teach more students in need and put my priorities in check.  They're fearlessness to conquer the world touches me to the core.  There have been moments in class where their warmth and drive has almost brought me to tears.  Teaching music/theatre to these kids reminds me of the selfishness of acting - getting the job, the agent, being seen... so much that I can forget what all of this selfishness is truly about...

This experience reminds me of what theatre truly is: sharing, connecting, and expressing.

Now What?

So I have returned to the homeland.  US of A.  It's been a whirlwind coming back.  I feel like when returning 'home', no matter how long the individual has been away, there is always a sense of never having left.  This time, it's both wonderful and saddening.  I've been thrust back into my life here in New York (an internship with a wonderful Theatre organization that uses theatre to help children in need, family, love, friends) and it is wonderful.  But I can't help to feel that maybe, just maybe, that amazing year in London didn't happen.  It's astonishing how quickly relationships seem to falter and as I both miss London and the friends I've made, the Briticisms, the culture, I am both oh-so-glad to be back in New York.

More to come on the feelings of transition...

Things I will miss in England... a list.

(Not necessarily in this order)

1.  Cadbury chocolate (real Cadbury...)
2.  Twinings tea (real Twinings...)
3.  Regular English Tea with Milk
4.  Pubs
5.  True alcoholic Bulmers, Magners, Kopparberg Cider
6.  Terms:
  
    Quid (slang for £)
    Full stop
    Chuffed
    Chundered
    Cheers
    Fancy
    Jumpers
    Cross
    Kicking off
    Fit
    Fanny/fanny about
    Wanker
    Faff/faff about
    Pissed (drunk)
    Popping by
    You okay?
    You alright?           
    Can't be bothered
    Sorted/Sort out             
    Keen             
    Press on             
    Straight on       
    Knob
    Knackered
    Cringe
    Mental
    Cheeky            
    Fortnight             
    Knickers             
    Trousers             
    Crisps       
    Smart (not just intelligent but well put together, well dressed)       
    Posh       
    Clever
    Slag
    Bless
    Fag (cigarette)
    Rough

(to be added too... sometimes they don't just come to mind)

7. RIBENA.  I have only found some cheap-o horrible version of Ribena in New York once... not like the true Ribena in the UK.  Blackcurrant goodness!
8.  Pret a Manger.  This also exists in New York now but it's not the same.
9.  DIGESTIVES.  They are essentially biscuits (cookies in American terms) that cannot be found in the US
10. Quavers (type of potato crisp/chip)
11. Fish and Chips
12. Balls... there are so many balls here and opportunities to dress up.
13. Night buses.  The tube stops at a certain hour but night buses are saviours!  And... they don't just exist in Harry Potter
14. The history.  Everything here is historical and as an outsider, that sense of history permeates into the culture: pubs, balls, education, etc.  I will miss that sense of antiquity.
15. The National Theatre.  The National produces daring, solid, new works that look at society from the past to the present day.  An institution like it does not exist in the States and I will miss it terribly.  I wish there was such a dedication towards the theatre like that in the States.
16. UCL. They let me live my fantasy of studying in England and gave me quite a year of learning.  I'm very thankful for what I've learned.
17. The Musical Theatre Society.  They gave me a social life, an opportunity to have fun acting and to learn about myself.  And despite the drama, I made good friends.
18. Cellar Door.  So many good memories.
19. London style of clothing: classic, jumpers, brogues, very vintage-almost 1940s, sort of taking history into the present like the city and country.
20. Speaking of clothing these stores: Next, Topshop, Warehouse, Selfridges, John Lewis, Joy
21. And shoes:  Office, Schuh, Clarks (it's different than in the States!), Dune
22. Camden.  I know... odd.  But I like Camden Lock and the wonderful shops/atmosphere of next to the river.
23. THE SOUTH BANK.  So beautiful.  It's where the National Theatre is and just looks over to Parliament - it encompasses what IS London.
24. The accents.  There are so many accents in England (not even counting the whole of the UK) and I've learned to understand the region and 'class' assigned to it
25. Britain's obsession with class (this is not necessarily a good thing but something I find fascinating that is so unique, so unapologetic, and almost politically incorrect from an American point of view)
26. The British Library
27. Cambridge.  History and friends (Katie and Josh) - I always feel like I'm in Harry Potter when I go there.
28. Parks in London.  There's so much green space and it's so charming and livable and typically... English.
29. Trains - trains get you everywhere... thank you RAILCARD!
30. Marks and Spencer.  Not just because of Percy Pigs or their food...
31. PAPERCHASE.  I never began to love stationary until I found this store.
32. Sainsburys.  Good 'ole Sainsburys - main supermarket in the UK
33. Waitrose.  High-end supermarket for when I feel POSH.
34. Boots.  Boots has everything (drugstore)
35. NHS (National Health Service).  America needs it.  Full stop.
36. British humour - dry, sarcastic, and mockingly.
37. Friends (a number on a list doesn't give them justice AT ALL).
38. FOYLES.  The best bookstore in England.  Its main store is on Charing Cross Road and it is massive and so much better than a Barnes and Noble or Waterstones.  It has EVERYTHING and it's not corporate.  But SMART (both in intellect and in style).
39.  COVENT GARDEN.  Not the market part but Seven Dials, the streets around it - it's so quaint full of small shops and I just feel transported back in time to the quintessential charming London world.
40.  Dove Spray Deodorant.  They don't have spray deodorant in the States and I LOVE spray deodorant... odd I know.  It just makes life easier.  I will miss it... may need to import it!

More to add later...

It's odd.  After being here for almost a year there are certain aspects of British/London life that don't seem so novel that would of made me so obsessed a year ago because of its 'British-ness':

-Pubs and the characters within them are so British (and Irish) and the atmosphere is so warm and full of tradition.  Now it feels second nature, a place to meet people.  
-The accent - I know it's lame but the accent doesn't faze me like it did before, now I begin to (dare I say it) judge or assess people on their accent (Brits and Americans included).
-Tea too... I used to think it was SO cute and British - now I love it.
-The TUBE - who knew?  I know it and love it and it's orderliness (they have bars so people walk in one direction... and signs to direct pedestrian traffic).
-Driving on the other side of the road has become second nature.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have a similar near death experience of being run over in America like I have here...
-The history... it still fascinates me when I read books and see where they happened, but the fact that I'm surrounded by it and that it is so embedded in the culture doesn't shock me like it used too.  I know I will miss it when I get back to American and something (gasp!) 100 years old is 'old'.

The irony:  the more I articulate these 'things' the more I single them out AS particularly novel and unique to what I'm 'used to'.  Essentially, they may seem 'normal now' but truly they are and always will be somewhat 'differently fascinating.'

As I approach my departure... more to come, I assure you.

THE MORE TO COME:

One of the many amazing things about going abroad is learning about yourself but also really learning and understanding your country (America) and the country you're living in (Britain).  I found that while I still don't always know when is the PC way to use England or Britain (it's quite complicated!), I feel I have gotten somewhat of a grasp on what is typically 'British' (or 'English' - I told you I didn't know!).  And it's comforting knowing that it's both a combination of my own stereotypical movie vision of England but also of a more modern place full of complexities and issues that any country has.  Whether it's the humour, the cultural bias, the pop culture obsessions, one acquires this knowledge by comparing it to what one knows (America) and by seeing the differences in how different countries present their news, conduct their elections, interact with each other and different classes, ethnicities, immigrants, and even how they wash their dishes and don't always use clothing dryers, one begins to have perspective on both where they came from and from where they are.  But that's only possible by being in two different places and living life in those respective places.  And as I approach my departure back to America, I find that comparison and the fact that I feel so invested in both America and England truly powerful.

Embrace the Transition

Embrace the Transition.

Transitions are that liminal space where we are neither in one place or the other.  It's like if someone takes a photograph of you running - that picture represents the transition: in the process of leaving somewhere and going to something.

I have had many transitions in my (short) life.  But this transition, moving from London back to New York, is perhaps my most conflicted.  I am also perhaps most aware of this transition because it is so physical.  I am literally leaving one country for another.

But why this transition?  Surely I did it before...

Yes, I have done it before.  But this transition is so full of conflicted feelings.  Why?  What I am leaving (London) has been the culmination of a year in which I both lived a 'dream' and allowed myself to 'live' (socially, academically, theatrically) in the moment and achieve a contentment I had been yearning for YEARS (dare I say, my adolescence?).  But what I am going back to is family, friends, love, and a city that is so full of dreams and drive that propel me forward.  New York inspires me unlike any other city I've been too.

It's like that Alicia Keys song: Empire State of Mind (and Billy Joel's 'New York State of Mind' but Alicia Keys' version embodies the inspiration of New York that I feel.  It reminds me of why I love New York so much).

So with these conflicting feelings (and they go much deeper than described above), I am attempting to embrace the transition.  It's hard leaving a place that I've identified with and grown from - especially the friendships.  Like many, I feel a bit lost, in a liminal place, and not really sure of my footing.  Even writing this blog feels a bit... unsure.  There's a part of me that feels like I am returning to what I know but refreshed while I also know that certain things I've gained here in London will stick and some will fall away. 

I am nervous about going back, sad to leave, but I also feel that it is time.  I wouldn't trade what I've gotten here in London and I will miss the friends I've made and the experience I've gained.  But life moves on, it is moving along with everyone.  And New York is the next step.

It's just that the transition is the place of the unknown.  The unknowable.  And it's frightening but also so full of suspense.  And by suspense, I mean the oppositional emotions of excitement and fear.

I'm going to miss this place.  But I don't know how I will truly feel until I leave.

That's what the transition is... truly being in the moment and just getting grips and going along for the ride.  Sometimes being in the moment is exhilarating and sometimes it's like now: so complicated and confusing that there is a loss of a sense of self.  Because the Self, the person, is transitioning not just physically, but emotionally as well.  Ironically, it's also in this moment, the uncertain, to just trust the Self that it will figure things out because despite the feeling of uncertainty, the Self knows what it is, it's just transitioning and shifting right now.

As the Brits say:  Sort it out.

As Dot says to George in Sondheim's Sunday in the Park with George (my favorite Sondheim musical) in the song 'Move On':

Stop worrying where you're going, move on
If you can know where you're going, you've gone
Just keep moving on.

I chose, and my world was shaken--so what?
The choice may have been mistaken
but choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be.
Look at all the things you've done for me:
Opened up my eyes
Taught me how to see...

Sung by Bernadette Peters:
 

And by the 2008 Broadway Revival/Menier Chocolate Factory Production  (that I saw 3 times... obsessed much?):

Come to the Cabaret!

This year has been hugely healing, productive, and has helped me 'break out' of my shell socially, academically, and artistically.  My most recent endeavor with the UCL Musical Theatre Society is something completely new: producing.  It's very exciting, different, and educational to be on the other side of the table, so to speak.  Below I am including the poster for Cabaret.  If any of you who read this are in London please do come along and see this great show the 9-11 of June.

A Piece of History

Over the past month, Britain has undergone an election, a hung parliament, and a coalition between the Conservative and Liberal Democratic Parties.  Witnessing an election in a different country is absolutely fascinating.  I have to thank Ben Kelly for explaining the British Parliamentary system to me.  Even though leaders represent parties here, it is not the people who vote for their parties' leaders, it is the members (MP's = Member of Parliament) of the party that determine their leader.  So when election time comes, people vote for the specific party and their issues.  In my mind, this seems a bit more focused on issues at hand, versus an 'image' of a specific person.  In Britain, it's normally the Conservative or Labour party that have the majority in parliament (think Republicans and Democrats), but the difference is, with multiple parties, MPs don't necessarily stick to a clear 'Conservative' or 'Labour' point of view like in the US with the Democrats and Republicans.  While America has other parties, its essentially become a two-party system.  Whilst in Britain voting for a party represents your own local constituency and you have more say in Parliament based on your party, not an individual.  This makes more sense when remembering that Britain is made up of Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.  They have local parliaments that also have representation in London. 

It's very complicated and I won't go too much into it.  But VERY interesting, especially coming from America and seeing how America is very much about image.  For example, Gordon Brown was never pictured with his children and David Cameron's wife just revealed she was pregnant (she is about 5 months).  American politics are dominated by how the individual man can relate to the leader and that also means seeing their families and for better or for worse, focusing on their family image over politics at times.  It's like American Presidents are America's royalty in some way...

I'm talking about all of this because on Tuesday, I had the opportunity to (sort of) witness History.  David Cameron was decided by the coalition government between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats to be the Prime Minister.  It is a tradition since Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy, that once Prime Minister is decided he/she must go to the Queen (or King) and 'ask' for her approval.  (Now, really it's the Queen who starts the conversation not the Prime Minister.  This can be witnessed in the movie The Queen).

I received a call from Ben saying that he and our friend Izzy were going to Buckingham Palace to essentially 'see' David Cameron go into the Palace and then go to move into 10 Downing Street.  Now, inauguration day in America is huge.  Here, because things happen so quickly (or in this case, Britain didn't have a government for five days), it's not as big of a deal.  I ended up getting the tube to Green Park soon to find out they were at Downing Street.

I felt like I was in some stereotypical British movie where the American is running through parks, next to Buckingham Palace, to meet someone urgently.

Alas, I have shin splints and my feet hurt terribly days later.

I made it to Downing Street, and while nothing really happened it was very amusing to see:

1. The small crowd
2. The scuffle between a Labour supporter and very very passionate Tories (Tories are another word for Conservatives, but click the link to get a better definition).
3. Regardless of political leanings, a feeling of witnessing something a part of history... sort of.
4. The traditional jingling of kings to symbolise the Prime Minister's movement into 10 Downing Street

All in all, we didn't see much.  We ended up going to a Pub near by and seeing David Cameron's car drive by. 

I have to say, if I were to vote here (as I believe in the true civic duty to vote), I would not be supporting the Tories  at all.  But, I am glad I got to witness a bit of British history... however contested.

Old England and Exams.

I think it's a general assumption that Americans are obsessed with Europe because everything is old.  With England, it's all about Jane Austen, those historical films, Lord of the Rings, and of course Harry Potter.  In England, everything is full of history.  It's what makes Europe so novel for Americans.  Something 150 years old isn't old at all.  Walking around York on Roman walls... THAT'S old.

When the musical theatre society was on their way to Scarborough for the festival, I was looking out at the English countryside and exclaimed, 'That looks like Pemberley!' (As in Mr. Darcy's mansion in Pride and Prejudice).  My friend Dom's remark was, 'I always love when Americans come to England.  They realise that these places actually exist.'

Yes, in England, many things I only saw in movies or read in books, were actually real.  For example:

1. Harry Potter:  Students do wear robes and dine in large halls with long tables and benches.
2. Harry Potter:  'Head Boy' and 'House Leaders' also exist in schools.
3. Lord of the Rings:  People actually sit in 500+ year old pubs drinking pints (no hobbits, though).
4. Jane Austen:  Places like Pemberley actually exist.
5. People do tend to live in castles or old castle-like homes.
6. There are cities and towns that are hundreds of years old... and look like it.
7. Jane Eyre:  The Moors... are moor-like with rolling hills and Heathcliff-like ominousness 
8. People are obsessed with the queen.  And royalty in general.
9. Jane Austen:  People drink lots of tea.
10. There are lots of sheep...

NOW.  The most recent 'old' thing I encountered in England was... EXAMS.  I took my first exam today.  It was six hours long on Shakespeare.  I'm surprised I'm even able to type!  But what was it about this exam that was so... Harry Potter like?  Or just... BRITISH and precise?

When I walked into the exam room I got nervous just because it was an ENTIRE HALL (like in Harry Potter when they take their OWL exams).  There was a man with a desk, a microphone, and a massive clock facing the rest of the room (also like in Harry Potter).  The same old filling out sheets properly was standard, raising hands to go to the bathroom, etc.  We had our 'designated lunch break' and massive panic ensued and we went back into the massive, daunting hall.

But what was it that made me giggle inside after that six hour long saga?  Not only was the 'moderator' so precise that five minutes BEFORE the time was over we had to start organising everything, but what was it...

We had to tie our booklets together.  With a STRING.  A string, I say!  I just thought... surely a stapler would work, or a paperclip.  We are in the year 2010.  It was so entirely endearing.  And it made me think:

Yes.  Coming to England, I sometimes feel like I am living in a Harry Potter movie, or a Jane Austen film, or just... my own vision of England where everything is old and traditional.

I get to do this two more times.  And while I probably won't miss the stress of being in such a formal hall with such strict rules when I go back to America, there's a part of me, in a very nostalgic way, that will miss that sort of - intense, traditional, precision that is... England.

Even those bloody exams with their Harry Potter halls.  And string.

*Edit: When I took my Chaucer Exam there was a student writing with a pen and bottle of ink.  As in... feather and a bottle of ink.  Like what they would've written in DURING the Middle Ages.

Another rant about healthcare...

YES!  It's wonderful that the US is one step closer to universal health care, but it's not national health care.  And it's not like universal health care is making a lot of Americans happy (it's making this one extremely happy!)  In previous posts I have expressed my thoughts about national health care and how ludicrous it is that Americans have to pay for coverage...

So, another rant/experience (be prepared, this is another college liberal making her claim against the society she lives in--what else is new?):

Students here find it shocking when I say that one of my fears when I graduate from college is how I will get health care.  In fact, it is probably my biggest worry - bigger than making money.  I've had friends that choose to work at Starbucks while they try and work as actors because they offer health insurance to part-time employees.  After being here for many months, I've realised how ridiculous it is that health care costs money in the States.

You may remember when I had swine flu in September.  The doctor prescribed Tamiflu, a very expensive drug, and I was so surprised that when my friend returned from the pharmacy with it, it didn't cost a cent.  Neither did the 3 hours I spent in the doctor's office.  And neither did the follow up phone call.

I think it's a bit sad, that when my 'American' prescriptions have run out I go to the doctor here asking for refills and hoping that I can get a long supply of it so I don't need to pay for things when I get back (granted, I am a part of the National Health Care service since I'm here for a while, not everyone can do this).  I find it also humourous, that when I told the doctor about my asthma medication, he suggested that he try and lower the dose as I was doing fine... a reminder that America is very over medicated.  While it may have been a bit untactful, he did say that in the UK, they try to have their patients on the lowest dose versus the highest if they are okay.  This is not to say that America over prescribes - but I would say that American culture has a 'thing' for prescribing and a thing for medicating as remedies.  It helps in the UK, that drug companies aren't out trying to find doctors or hospitals to use their specific brand of medication.  With the NHS, every drug is brand name, but it's not about making money from the NHS for drug companies.  For insurance companies and drug companies in America, it's all about making money off of the ill.

I found it so telling that when I went to 'check out' from my appointment I instinctively reached for my wallet.  And was reminded that, no, my appointment did not cost a cent.  And I could come back any time to meet with the doctor.

I then went to the pharmacy and learned the hierarchy of prescriptions.  Certain prescriptions are free, but other than that, prescriptions are £7.00.  That's for everyone.  As my friend Dom said, it evens out the playing field so that if a drug is more or less, everyone still pays the same amount.  It may seem a bit 'unfair' that my £7.00 prescription may go to help another person whose prescription is more, but that's an aspect of the NHS, and dare I say it: socialism. 

Anyone in the UK will say that the NHS is not perfect.  But the fact that I don't need to fork up my dad's insurance card and cash to get a dose of asthma medication or a 15 minute visit with the doctor says a lot.  I also like the fact that the NHS was founded on and still is founded on truly helping everyone as a nation.  Insurance companies and drug companies in America aren't about helping the sick or the people, they're about making a profit.

It is not customary for the Brits to be very 'patriotic' as they are a reserved group of people.  But I think it says a lot that the NHS represents health care for everyone - the sense that everyone in this nation should be able to care for another.

I find it ironic, then, that a nation like America, so patriotic and willing to flaunt its values, is ultimately a nation that can't come together and realise that national health care is not about socialism, it's about being a patriotic person who just wishes to help their fellow American.

I may sound preachy, anti-American, but really, I love America.  I'm glad to go back soon.  But America is a very ironic and contradictory country.  A lot of the values 'preached' in society are not exactly the values practiced. 

More on that later...

Ireland...

In the course of my time in London, I have become wonderful friends with Ben Kelly.  He studies English as well and was in Into the Woods as Jack.  Over Easter Break he invited me to see Ireland and learn about his country.  He is from Derry, which is a part of Northern Ireland, a place that has for many years been full of violence and religious tension.  Things have calmed down, but they have a very bloody past.  Similar to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, each person has their own connection and their own story to tell.

I am not going to get into too much about the politics of Northern Ireland as it is upsetting and subjective.  I will say this: seeing Derry was such an educational experience.  In America, I feel that Ireland was sort of glossed over in history class (as are many things) and I found Ben's 'tour' to be very informative.  The present history is very raw.  They are used to violence, but as Ben has told me, now there isn't a time for violence--that time has passed.

The history and politics aside, Ireland is a beautiful country.  The Irish are an extremely open and welcoming people.  They do have Irish banter, openly joke and criticise about their family and friends, but this is all in good fun and not unusual.  What I found most beautiful, however, was the sense of trust and family the Irish have.  I had the opportunity to meet much of Ben's family.  I was immediately welcomed into their homes and their lives.  I was shocked how everyone, after only knowing me for a few hours welcomed me back to their homes and genuinely meant it.  Ben's Mom told me that here, they mean it.  I could come back to Ireland with out Ben and say that I was his friend and they would trust that and let me into their home.  These people don't take crap, but they do open their hearts and homes to those they trust.  I find that sense of trust, openness, and family no matter who you are truly touching.  I got asked a lot if my family came from Ireland (since so many Americans do).  When I responded that I really don't have any ounce of Irish blood in me (I'm half Chinese and half Jewish--and by Jewish, from the shtetls in what is now Poland) they said that I am perhaps the only American who does not have Irish roots, but that I now have Irish family. 

What I have found most touching about being abroad is the welcoming nature of people no matter who you are and where you are from.  This was one of those rare, and truly touching times.  Thanks, Ben for showing me your country and its beauty!

This Volcano.

Have any of you seen 2012?  I did... and as much as I like to indulge in those sort of movies, a part of me secretly thinks that these 'myths' will actually come true.  Things to date since seeing that movie: earthquakes and now this volcano.  I know it's not to say that the Mayan predictions will come true (and honestly I hope not because there are a lot of things I want to do in life) but I do think the earth is telling us things.

This volcano has disrupted many people.  I have friends who are stuck in all different parts of the world and can't get back to home or their university.  It's not good for the airlines and their economy, other forms of transportation are somewhat taking advantage of this and hiking up prices, and this could be a problem for months.

However... something unusual, or coincidental, is happening in London: we have had the most beautiful days I have ever seen.  The skies are blue like I have never seen before in my life.  No clouds, beautiful weather, and sun.  I am no scientist (but I once was... sort of) but I wonder if there has to be a connection between no airplanes in the sky and beautiful, clear skies.

Or... it could be God/Nature/Higher Power saying, 'Thank you for not polluting my skies for a few days.'

Apologies...

Apologies to those (few) readers of this somewhat lame blog. I have been absent because of frantic discussions about getting to the festival, rehearsing for the festival, and ultimately going to the festival! The festival was a complicated affair that I learned a lot from but also had my contentions. But, as to not spoil or speak ill of things, I would like to highlight what I learned and loved:

1. Spending a week with what has become the best large university social group I have had was wonderful. Bonding times, living in a somewhat obscure town for a week, and raucous nights were highlights.
2. I think I've learned a bit of what it's like to be on tour - get a new venue, have little time to figure out how everything works and then do a show! This gave me very little time to freak out.
3. I love the theatre. So much. I love it in its messiness, when we're all kind of doing a show on a prayer and yet it happily turns out better than it ever was.
4. I have learned that if I truly believe and trust in myself, normally my mind and body will follow. Let's put it this way: my performance, technically, this time was solid. In comparison to the show in December, I did not mess up the counting in my individual, difficult pieces. Was it because I relearned things? Partially, but I set my mind to not letting me psyche myself out and I accomplished that. That sounds cocky... but I am proud of how I overcame my psychological barrier.
5. I would love to do a show forever and ever. BUT, being in the midst of school work, in some ways I feel that if I were to really grow the next time I (hopefully!) play Cinderella I would need time to grow as a human being.
6. Not everyone is going to like you and that's life. Actors are notoriously insecure. I am most definitely an insecure human being. Acting is a very emotionally risky business because you invest your heart and soul into a character that in one sentence a critic can destroy. I've learned that that will happen and that I need to develop a tougher skin.
7. There's no spirit like team spirit. UCL won the pub quiz. And it was, possibly, one of the happiest moments of my life. We cheered like we won the World Cup or £1,000,000. We truthfully won neither.
8. I will cherish this experience for good and for bad for my entire life. I'm just so happy I got to do the show again and with people that I love.

Post-show I had the opportunity to see more of England and Ireland. Pictures, adventures, and thoughts to come... especially as we get closer to - yes, my return home.

And by home, I mean New York.

New York I have missed you loads.
London I will miss you when I am in New York.
It's a Catch-22.

Lastly, what I've learned the most about the above experience and about my time in London: the importance of friends. Friends are so important. Cherish them because at times, I feel they are the only thing holding me together.