An Eye Opening Experience

I say that a lot: 'eye opening'.  Going to London was 'eye opening', so was Into the Woods, and so was my time at UCL.

But now I'm talking about a different type of 'eye opening': something that truly makes me evaluate the fortune I've had in my short life.


I am spending the summer volunteering with an organization called Artists Striving to End Poverty (ASTEP).  I have wanted to get involved with this organization for a while as it looks to use the arts, mostly performing arts, to help build confidence and self expression in impoverished youth around the world.  They have programs in South Africa, India, Florida, and New York working with orphans and refugees.  This summer, I am fortunate enough to be volunteering as a Musical Theatre teacher teaching new refugees in a Summer Academy program run by the International Rescue Committee.  I teach along with one to two co-teachers in a middle school class and two high school classes.  Some of these students have been in the US for a week to months to a few years.  I don't know their background, but I can't imagine what they've been through - some of them being thrown into a school program after being in this country for A WEEK knowing not a sentence in English.

I have always been drawn to teaching (I've taught little ones and tutored Middle School), but this experience has been a whole different ball game.  Commanding twenty to thirty students in a sweltering, unairconditioned, high school in Bushwick is grueling enough.  But add on the varying English language comprehension of each student, little knowledge of each students' background, and ultimately the task of getting these middle school and high school students to open up.

On the first day of class I realized how my 'training' from Stella Adler and years of theatre experiences (making a fool of myself, immediately working with others, and maintaining an open and receptive body) prepared me for this type of environment.  Playing theatre games and teaching them a song in English for many was difficult.  It took a while before they felt remotely comfortable in using their bodies.

These students have grown so much in just six weeks - from barely focusing and working with their peers to having more open and confident bodies, maintaining eye contact and focus with a large group, working together, and keeping a beat (much harder than one would think).

I was reminded of what an Adler teacher said about voice work: the skills we learn in here do not just help us as actors but in whatever we do - maintaining an open body, looking people in the eye, and engaging others.  I would like to think that these kids learned a bit of that.

But more than that - these kids inspire me.  I have been given so many opportunities - the opportunity to volunteer for a summer - and seeing these kids who have been uprooted from their homes, some of whom have probably seen atrocities and suffered trauma I can't even imagine, I realize how minuscule my problems truly are.  Plus, these students come in with more optimism and drive than I will ever have.  Their optimism for the future is boundless because all they see is what is ahead of them and not behind.

We were doing a reflection exercise and I said that the students could write in their own language if English was too hard.  A student from Guinea said, 'I know French, I don't need French, I am here, I need English so I write in English!'.  He had been here for a few weeks and he was determined to only write in English - even if it was a few sentences.  And when he handed me that piece of paper he was proud.  That type of pride I can only watch from afar but never really know - wanting to absolutely forget where I came from and propel forward so fast, faster than my own abilities can take me.

These students want to become doctors, lawyers, have families, change their countries.  They have taught me more than I have taught them.  I am humbled by their determination and their optimism and by their warmth.

New York is a fascinating place - the unbelievably wealthy and the unbelievably poor, the elite and the refugee.  With my private school education, Seven Sisters education, a year to study abroad, and never having to truly worry about money, I am very close to the bourgeois world of weekly manicures, designer bags, and weekly gossip over drinks in Soho.  And while there is a part of me that wants that, I am so thankful for these students for showing me what's really going on in the world and real issues where people need to find REFUGE in a different country.  I am exhausted, but these students inspire me to teach more students in need and put my priorities in check.  They're fearlessness to conquer the world touches me to the core.  There have been moments in class where their warmth and drive has almost brought me to tears.  Teaching music/theatre to these kids reminds me of the selfishness of acting - getting the job, the agent, being seen... so much that I can forget what all of this selfishness is truly about...

This experience reminds me of what theatre truly is: sharing, connecting, and expressing.

Now What?

So I have returned to the homeland.  US of A.  It's been a whirlwind coming back.  I feel like when returning 'home', no matter how long the individual has been away, there is always a sense of never having left.  This time, it's both wonderful and saddening.  I've been thrust back into my life here in New York (an internship with a wonderful Theatre organization that uses theatre to help children in need, family, love, friends) and it is wonderful.  But I can't help to feel that maybe, just maybe, that amazing year in London didn't happen.  It's astonishing how quickly relationships seem to falter and as I both miss London and the friends I've made, the Briticisms, the culture, I am both oh-so-glad to be back in New York.

More to come on the feelings of transition...

Things I will miss in England... a list.

(Not necessarily in this order)

1.  Cadbury chocolate (real Cadbury...)
2.  Twinings tea (real Twinings...)
3.  Regular English Tea with Milk
4.  Pubs
5.  True alcoholic Bulmers, Magners, Kopparberg Cider
6.  Terms:
  
    Quid (slang for £)
    Full stop
    Chuffed
    Chundered
    Cheers
    Fancy
    Jumpers
    Cross
    Kicking off
    Fit
    Fanny/fanny about
    Wanker
    Faff/faff about
    Pissed (drunk)
    Popping by
    You okay?
    You alright?           
    Can't be bothered
    Sorted/Sort out             
    Keen             
    Press on             
    Straight on       
    Knob
    Knackered
    Cringe
    Mental
    Cheeky            
    Fortnight             
    Knickers             
    Trousers             
    Crisps       
    Smart (not just intelligent but well put together, well dressed)       
    Posh       
    Clever
    Slag
    Bless
    Fag (cigarette)
    Rough

(to be added too... sometimes they don't just come to mind)

7. RIBENA.  I have only found some cheap-o horrible version of Ribena in New York once... not like the true Ribena in the UK.  Blackcurrant goodness!
8.  Pret a Manger.  This also exists in New York now but it's not the same.
9.  DIGESTIVES.  They are essentially biscuits (cookies in American terms) that cannot be found in the US
10. Quavers (type of potato crisp/chip)
11. Fish and Chips
12. Balls... there are so many balls here and opportunities to dress up.
13. Night buses.  The tube stops at a certain hour but night buses are saviours!  And... they don't just exist in Harry Potter
14. The history.  Everything here is historical and as an outsider, that sense of history permeates into the culture: pubs, balls, education, etc.  I will miss that sense of antiquity.
15. The National Theatre.  The National produces daring, solid, new works that look at society from the past to the present day.  An institution like it does not exist in the States and I will miss it terribly.  I wish there was such a dedication towards the theatre like that in the States.
16. UCL. They let me live my fantasy of studying in England and gave me quite a year of learning.  I'm very thankful for what I've learned.
17. The Musical Theatre Society.  They gave me a social life, an opportunity to have fun acting and to learn about myself.  And despite the drama, I made good friends.
18. Cellar Door.  So many good memories.
19. London style of clothing: classic, jumpers, brogues, very vintage-almost 1940s, sort of taking history into the present like the city and country.
20. Speaking of clothing these stores: Next, Topshop, Warehouse, Selfridges, John Lewis, Joy
21. And shoes:  Office, Schuh, Clarks (it's different than in the States!), Dune
22. Camden.  I know... odd.  But I like Camden Lock and the wonderful shops/atmosphere of next to the river.
23. THE SOUTH BANK.  So beautiful.  It's where the National Theatre is and just looks over to Parliament - it encompasses what IS London.
24. The accents.  There are so many accents in England (not even counting the whole of the UK) and I've learned to understand the region and 'class' assigned to it
25. Britain's obsession with class (this is not necessarily a good thing but something I find fascinating that is so unique, so unapologetic, and almost politically incorrect from an American point of view)
26. The British Library
27. Cambridge.  History and friends (Katie and Josh) - I always feel like I'm in Harry Potter when I go there.
28. Parks in London.  There's so much green space and it's so charming and livable and typically... English.
29. Trains - trains get you everywhere... thank you RAILCARD!
30. Marks and Spencer.  Not just because of Percy Pigs or their food...
31. PAPERCHASE.  I never began to love stationary until I found this store.
32. Sainsburys.  Good 'ole Sainsburys - main supermarket in the UK
33. Waitrose.  High-end supermarket for when I feel POSH.
34. Boots.  Boots has everything (drugstore)
35. NHS (National Health Service).  America needs it.  Full stop.
36. British humour - dry, sarcastic, and mockingly.
37. Friends (a number on a list doesn't give them justice AT ALL).
38. FOYLES.  The best bookstore in England.  Its main store is on Charing Cross Road and it is massive and so much better than a Barnes and Noble or Waterstones.  It has EVERYTHING and it's not corporate.  But SMART (both in intellect and in style).
39.  COVENT GARDEN.  Not the market part but Seven Dials, the streets around it - it's so quaint full of small shops and I just feel transported back in time to the quintessential charming London world.
40.  Dove Spray Deodorant.  They don't have spray deodorant in the States and I LOVE spray deodorant... odd I know.  It just makes life easier.  I will miss it... may need to import it!

More to add later...

It's odd.  After being here for almost a year there are certain aspects of British/London life that don't seem so novel that would of made me so obsessed a year ago because of its 'British-ness':

-Pubs and the characters within them are so British (and Irish) and the atmosphere is so warm and full of tradition.  Now it feels second nature, a place to meet people.  
-The accent - I know it's lame but the accent doesn't faze me like it did before, now I begin to (dare I say it) judge or assess people on their accent (Brits and Americans included).
-Tea too... I used to think it was SO cute and British - now I love it.
-The TUBE - who knew?  I know it and love it and it's orderliness (they have bars so people walk in one direction... and signs to direct pedestrian traffic).
-Driving on the other side of the road has become second nature.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have a similar near death experience of being run over in America like I have here...
-The history... it still fascinates me when I read books and see where they happened, but the fact that I'm surrounded by it and that it is so embedded in the culture doesn't shock me like it used too.  I know I will miss it when I get back to American and something (gasp!) 100 years old is 'old'.

The irony:  the more I articulate these 'things' the more I single them out AS particularly novel and unique to what I'm 'used to'.  Essentially, they may seem 'normal now' but truly they are and always will be somewhat 'differently fascinating.'

As I approach my departure... more to come, I assure you.

THE MORE TO COME:

One of the many amazing things about going abroad is learning about yourself but also really learning and understanding your country (America) and the country you're living in (Britain).  I found that while I still don't always know when is the PC way to use England or Britain (it's quite complicated!), I feel I have gotten somewhat of a grasp on what is typically 'British' (or 'English' - I told you I didn't know!).  And it's comforting knowing that it's both a combination of my own stereotypical movie vision of England but also of a more modern place full of complexities and issues that any country has.  Whether it's the humour, the cultural bias, the pop culture obsessions, one acquires this knowledge by comparing it to what one knows (America) and by seeing the differences in how different countries present their news, conduct their elections, interact with each other and different classes, ethnicities, immigrants, and even how they wash their dishes and don't always use clothing dryers, one begins to have perspective on both where they came from and from where they are.  But that's only possible by being in two different places and living life in those respective places.  And as I approach my departure back to America, I find that comparison and the fact that I feel so invested in both America and England truly powerful.

Embrace the Transition

Embrace the Transition.

Transitions are that liminal space where we are neither in one place or the other.  It's like if someone takes a photograph of you running - that picture represents the transition: in the process of leaving somewhere and going to something.

I have had many transitions in my (short) life.  But this transition, moving from London back to New York, is perhaps my most conflicted.  I am also perhaps most aware of this transition because it is so physical.  I am literally leaving one country for another.

But why this transition?  Surely I did it before...

Yes, I have done it before.  But this transition is so full of conflicted feelings.  Why?  What I am leaving (London) has been the culmination of a year in which I both lived a 'dream' and allowed myself to 'live' (socially, academically, theatrically) in the moment and achieve a contentment I had been yearning for YEARS (dare I say, my adolescence?).  But what I am going back to is family, friends, love, and a city that is so full of dreams and drive that propel me forward.  New York inspires me unlike any other city I've been too.

It's like that Alicia Keys song: Empire State of Mind (and Billy Joel's 'New York State of Mind' but Alicia Keys' version embodies the inspiration of New York that I feel.  It reminds me of why I love New York so much).

So with these conflicting feelings (and they go much deeper than described above), I am attempting to embrace the transition.  It's hard leaving a place that I've identified with and grown from - especially the friendships.  Like many, I feel a bit lost, in a liminal place, and not really sure of my footing.  Even writing this blog feels a bit... unsure.  There's a part of me that feels like I am returning to what I know but refreshed while I also know that certain things I've gained here in London will stick and some will fall away. 

I am nervous about going back, sad to leave, but I also feel that it is time.  I wouldn't trade what I've gotten here in London and I will miss the friends I've made and the experience I've gained.  But life moves on, it is moving along with everyone.  And New York is the next step.

It's just that the transition is the place of the unknown.  The unknowable.  And it's frightening but also so full of suspense.  And by suspense, I mean the oppositional emotions of excitement and fear.

I'm going to miss this place.  But I don't know how I will truly feel until I leave.

That's what the transition is... truly being in the moment and just getting grips and going along for the ride.  Sometimes being in the moment is exhilarating and sometimes it's like now: so complicated and confusing that there is a loss of a sense of self.  Because the Self, the person, is transitioning not just physically, but emotionally as well.  Ironically, it's also in this moment, the uncertain, to just trust the Self that it will figure things out because despite the feeling of uncertainty, the Self knows what it is, it's just transitioning and shifting right now.

As the Brits say:  Sort it out.

As Dot says to George in Sondheim's Sunday in the Park with George (my favorite Sondheim musical) in the song 'Move On':

Stop worrying where you're going, move on
If you can know where you're going, you've gone
Just keep moving on.

I chose, and my world was shaken--so what?
The choice may have been mistaken
but choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be.
Look at all the things you've done for me:
Opened up my eyes
Taught me how to see...

Sung by Bernadette Peters:
 

And by the 2008 Broadway Revival/Menier Chocolate Factory Production  (that I saw 3 times... obsessed much?):

Come to the Cabaret!

This year has been hugely healing, productive, and has helped me 'break out' of my shell socially, academically, and artistically.  My most recent endeavor with the UCL Musical Theatre Society is something completely new: producing.  It's very exciting, different, and educational to be on the other side of the table, so to speak.  Below I am including the poster for Cabaret.  If any of you who read this are in London please do come along and see this great show the 9-11 of June.

A Piece of History

Over the past month, Britain has undergone an election, a hung parliament, and a coalition between the Conservative and Liberal Democratic Parties.  Witnessing an election in a different country is absolutely fascinating.  I have to thank Ben Kelly for explaining the British Parliamentary system to me.  Even though leaders represent parties here, it is not the people who vote for their parties' leaders, it is the members (MP's = Member of Parliament) of the party that determine their leader.  So when election time comes, people vote for the specific party and their issues.  In my mind, this seems a bit more focused on issues at hand, versus an 'image' of a specific person.  In Britain, it's normally the Conservative or Labour party that have the majority in parliament (think Republicans and Democrats), but the difference is, with multiple parties, MPs don't necessarily stick to a clear 'Conservative' or 'Labour' point of view like in the US with the Democrats and Republicans.  While America has other parties, its essentially become a two-party system.  Whilst in Britain voting for a party represents your own local constituency and you have more say in Parliament based on your party, not an individual.  This makes more sense when remembering that Britain is made up of Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.  They have local parliaments that also have representation in London. 

It's very complicated and I won't go too much into it.  But VERY interesting, especially coming from America and seeing how America is very much about image.  For example, Gordon Brown was never pictured with his children and David Cameron's wife just revealed she was pregnant (she is about 5 months).  American politics are dominated by how the individual man can relate to the leader and that also means seeing their families and for better or for worse, focusing on their family image over politics at times.  It's like American Presidents are America's royalty in some way...

I'm talking about all of this because on Tuesday, I had the opportunity to (sort of) witness History.  David Cameron was decided by the coalition government between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats to be the Prime Minister.  It is a tradition since Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy, that once Prime Minister is decided he/she must go to the Queen (or King) and 'ask' for her approval.  (Now, really it's the Queen who starts the conversation not the Prime Minister.  This can be witnessed in the movie The Queen).

I received a call from Ben saying that he and our friend Izzy were going to Buckingham Palace to essentially 'see' David Cameron go into the Palace and then go to move into 10 Downing Street.  Now, inauguration day in America is huge.  Here, because things happen so quickly (or in this case, Britain didn't have a government for five days), it's not as big of a deal.  I ended up getting the tube to Green Park soon to find out they were at Downing Street.

I felt like I was in some stereotypical British movie where the American is running through parks, next to Buckingham Palace, to meet someone urgently.

Alas, I have shin splints and my feet hurt terribly days later.

I made it to Downing Street, and while nothing really happened it was very amusing to see:

1. The small crowd
2. The scuffle between a Labour supporter and very very passionate Tories (Tories are another word for Conservatives, but click the link to get a better definition).
3. Regardless of political leanings, a feeling of witnessing something a part of history... sort of.
4. The traditional jingling of kings to symbolise the Prime Minister's movement into 10 Downing Street

All in all, we didn't see much.  We ended up going to a Pub near by and seeing David Cameron's car drive by. 

I have to say, if I were to vote here (as I believe in the true civic duty to vote), I would not be supporting the Tories  at all.  But, I am glad I got to witness a bit of British history... however contested.

Old England and Exams.

I think it's a general assumption that Americans are obsessed with Europe because everything is old.  With England, it's all about Jane Austen, those historical films, Lord of the Rings, and of course Harry Potter.  In England, everything is full of history.  It's what makes Europe so novel for Americans.  Something 150 years old isn't old at all.  Walking around York on Roman walls... THAT'S old.

When the musical theatre society was on their way to Scarborough for the festival, I was looking out at the English countryside and exclaimed, 'That looks like Pemberley!' (As in Mr. Darcy's mansion in Pride and Prejudice).  My friend Dom's remark was, 'I always love when Americans come to England.  They realise that these places actually exist.'

Yes, in England, many things I only saw in movies or read in books, were actually real.  For example:

1. Harry Potter:  Students do wear robes and dine in large halls with long tables and benches.
2. Harry Potter:  'Head Boy' and 'House Leaders' also exist in schools.
3. Lord of the Rings:  People actually sit in 500+ year old pubs drinking pints (no hobbits, though).
4. Jane Austen:  Places like Pemberley actually exist.
5. People do tend to live in castles or old castle-like homes.
6. There are cities and towns that are hundreds of years old... and look like it.
7. Jane Eyre:  The Moors... are moor-like with rolling hills and Heathcliff-like ominousness 
8. People are obsessed with the queen.  And royalty in general.
9. Jane Austen:  People drink lots of tea.
10. There are lots of sheep...

NOW.  The most recent 'old' thing I encountered in England was... EXAMS.  I took my first exam today.  It was six hours long on Shakespeare.  I'm surprised I'm even able to type!  But what was it about this exam that was so... Harry Potter like?  Or just... BRITISH and precise?

When I walked into the exam room I got nervous just because it was an ENTIRE HALL (like in Harry Potter when they take their OWL exams).  There was a man with a desk, a microphone, and a massive clock facing the rest of the room (also like in Harry Potter).  The same old filling out sheets properly was standard, raising hands to go to the bathroom, etc.  We had our 'designated lunch break' and massive panic ensued and we went back into the massive, daunting hall.

But what was it that made me giggle inside after that six hour long saga?  Not only was the 'moderator' so precise that five minutes BEFORE the time was over we had to start organising everything, but what was it...

We had to tie our booklets together.  With a STRING.  A string, I say!  I just thought... surely a stapler would work, or a paperclip.  We are in the year 2010.  It was so entirely endearing.  And it made me think:

Yes.  Coming to England, I sometimes feel like I am living in a Harry Potter movie, or a Jane Austen film, or just... my own vision of England where everything is old and traditional.

I get to do this two more times.  And while I probably won't miss the stress of being in such a formal hall with such strict rules when I go back to America, there's a part of me, in a very nostalgic way, that will miss that sort of - intense, traditional, precision that is... England.

Even those bloody exams with their Harry Potter halls.  And string.

*Edit: When I took my Chaucer Exam there was a student writing with a pen and bottle of ink.  As in... feather and a bottle of ink.  Like what they would've written in DURING the Middle Ages.