My, my time has gone by!

I cannot believe that it is February already. Amidst acting classes at Stella Adler and classes at Barnard and Columbia I've been very busy. Sometimes I feel like I am just riding through life and I don't necessarily realize that I am living it. But other times I have these moments of pure appreciation for the life that I am living. It is really abnormal (what is normal?) but it suits me. Yes, it is terribly exhausting but it is worth every minute of it.

The Stella Adler Studio truly is a wonderful place. I find that every time I walk into the studio I am surrounded by dedicated students in a safe environment. I know that as an actor I will never finish learning, but there is something very satisfying and inspiring about just learning. I enjoy learning and know that I need it to help me get work as an actor and grow as a person, but for so long I was focused on product. Now I understand that eventually I will be focusing on results and the business, but in order for me to get a good product I have to focus on the art and the craft of acting. Because if I'm too focused on a result, I will lose the integrity of the work I love. Acting is a business. That is a reality. But I am also an artist, and in order for me to navigate the business and not get discouraged, I need to find my passion and love of the craft of acting. If I don't know how to perform well with integrity and truth that is beyond banality acting and the business will become vapid and uninspiring. I need the foundation before the real world. I've always understood that, but I am embodying it.

I don't want to just be a "good" actor. I want to be an actor, as Stella Adler would say, that has size.

Learning is such a wonderful thing. I find that whether I am at Stella Adler or just in my classes I thoroughly enjoy being a student. I love discovering and analyzing the unknown. I have been reading so much and I love it. I have switched from listening to music on the subway to reading and it is wonderful. There is so much to be learned through books and I am just amazed by how much I can learn.

I know I am lucky, but lets just say that these two worlds are very difficult. Living in two different worlds is complicated. I've never really felt like I've fit into a mold of someone my age but now I feel it even more. I've accepted it, even embraced it, but that's not to say that it isn't still a challenge to live in two very different mindsets and environments.

But this is a journey, and as tiring as it is, I feel that I am absorbing everything, good and bad. And that will shape me into a better actor and person.