Acting as a message

So I'm finally understanding the whole idea of feeling like a total failure one day in acting school and the next feeling really confident. I performed my scene yesterday and it was great. Of course there are things to work on, but it was just being at the point in the process where I could be pushed by the teacher and I could recognize the specificity that is needed. I also realized how it's easier for me to lose myself and just go and be adventurous in a scene than in real life.

But what I really want to talk about is acting and its purpose. I understand how acting can be seen as a very selfish business. This culture really exacerbates that problem through Hollywood and where, in my opinion, Broadway is going to some extent. It's about money and product. I've struggled with this idea and struggled that I want to go into a business that is very self-absorbed at times. But what I've realized is that acting, though personal and focused on one's self, is ultimately NOT about me. I've always known this, but never really felt it and struggled because I never felt that.

When doing my scene yesterday I played a cop. I was a cop who wanted to be seen as a cop and not a woman. But ultimately, the show reveals how no one actually sees her as a cop and just sees her as a woman and a sex object. It's infuriating to her (as it should be) and ironically, everything she's fighting against to be a "cop" (emotion) eventually crucifies her. This is not the main moral story of the play. But it's a part of a bigger issue that the play is proposing - morality, loyalty, and what is right. Yes, I was embodying this character and feeling her pain and trying to reestablish herself as a cop but it's ultimately not about me. Through this real life situation a bigger message is played.

That is why I love acting. By becoming someone else and embodying their problems an audience hopefully sees the issues the play proposes. Acting is taking issues that surround our lives, embodying people who have these issues, and through performance makes those issues known to the public. That's how it changes people - they see real live scenarios. They see people like them. Acting is about changing people through connecting them through art and life. They're not being talked at about issues - they see it happen in front of them. That's what's so powerful about it! As the actor I have to know the bigger issues of the play, but the character may not. And more often than not, the character's personal struggles are the problems the playwright wants an audience to see. That's where the personal me comes in. You have to have both. You have to be willing to look at yourself and transform yourself and be believable for others to believe. I just think that too many people perhaps forget about the greater picture. Yes - I have to focus on my craft because if I don't no one will get the issue at hand.

Honestly, I find it empowering. We can read about issues in a newspaper or book. But rarely can we see these issues creep up on us by watching real life. By watching real people and their problems. That's what theatre is.